Keeping Busy, with Purpose

A few months ago, I completed my correspondence course for paralegal certification and I was wondering what to do with myself next. Since then, a number of interesting opportunities have presented themselves to keep me busy in body, mind, and spirit.  I thought I'd share them with you.

First, I was introduced to Samir (Not his real name), a Saudi Arabian citizen who was arrested while studying English after only a few months in Flagstaff, AZ. So now, I'm giving him English lessons as he is barred from any educational programs offered to inmates due to his citizenship.  In exchange, I get to practice my Arabic with him. I enjoy teaching him, though it's a painful reminder that I'm a teacher at heart, a skill and gift that I may never be able to utilize again as an ex-felon sex -offender with lifetime probation.

Through him, I met Amr (not his real name), a political refugee from Sudan, one of the "lost boys," who rather lost himself in the incredible diversity and "debauchery" of this country, so unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

I've been "editing/translating" some of this writing, as his English is not particularly strong. It's been incredibly moving to read about his difficult journey, his dream of escaping the violence, hatred, and genocide of the Sudan, and his incredible joy and relief at the opportunity to go to America, fulfilling a dream. Then, to be caught up in the U.S. Justice system with little understanding of the system, few resources, and little support and to find himself locked up in an Arizona prison, possibly for life, for a crime he did not commit.

Then there's Larry (yeah, not real) who I'm helping with an appeal on his case. Larry is an older guy (mid-50's) who was a civil engineer with a pretty nice life. He drunkenly exposed himself in proximity of a group of people. He signed a plea agreement with an expectation of 1.5 years of prison and a term of probation, the recommended sentence of pre-trial services. The judge, upon the recommendation of the prosecution, aggravated both counts to two years, to be run consecutively, to each be followed by lifetime probation, giving him four years and two lifetime probations. (This two lifetime probation is a common ploy in Arizona, as released felons were choosing to return to prison  to avoid the lifetime probation, to "kill their number".  It didn't really work, as many still do.) We're trying to get the sentence reduced, and to run concurrently, as the sentences are dependent on one single action. The aggravating factor was "harm to the victims".

Finally, I met Keoni (this is his real name – he wanted me to use it), who heard i was trying to start a peer counseling program here, due to the incredible lack of services offered for therapy or counseling. Keoni has been working with members of the Integral Theory and Integral Life Practice community.

Integral Theory, developed by Ken Wilber, "makes sense of how all the worlds' knowledge systems...fit together and can elevate our awareness  Drawing on science, psychology, human development, spirituality, religion, and dozens of other fields, Integral Theory is a frame work for understanding ourselves and the work we live in." For more information, visit www.integral-life-practice.com.)

Keoni has been studying and working on Integral practices for several years and was asked to write an article for The Journal of Integral Theory and Practice.  Cindy Lou Golin, a prominent member of the Integral community, received a grant to create an "Integral Inmate" peer education program in the hopes of creating a framework for personal growth for inmates, led by and for inmates, with the support of the Integral community.

Anyway, Keoni asked for "coaching" in his writing and has shared loads of interesting and powerful ideas, articles, and books so that I can better understand this concept.  Anything that increases my knowledge and elevates my state is of value to me.

So these are some of the ways I have given my life meaning and purpose in a difficult environment, along with the essays that I share with you.

Media Spin

One of the biggest obstacles to meaningful, pro-active reform of sex-offender legislation is the media's biased and selective portrayal of non-violent, non-contact sex offenders. A recent news story on KPHO Phoenix, a CBS affiliate, gives a clear example of this.

The "top story" on July 14^th was about the problem of homeless registered sex-offenders. There are some 239 registered sex-offenders in Phoenix without a residential address, so they are required to be at a specific street corner for certain hours each day.  Apparently this is not tracked all that well by the authorities.

The story cites the problems that have developed because of this system and lack of oversight, specifically naming two offenders who committed particularly heinous crimes toward young children.  One of these homeless sex offenders raped a young child in 2007.  In addition, the reporter interviewed a family that lives near one of the intersections assigned to a homeless sex offender. Needless to say, they were quite unhappy about the entire system.

This story omitted many significant facts that would have presented a more thorough and balanced picture of the situation. Instead, it focused on the most egregious examples of violent crimes and abuse. A more objective presentation of the story might have gone like this:

There are 239 registered sex-offenders in Phoenix who are homeless - unable to secure a permanent residence.  Housing options are limited for registered sex offenders, in that they can be denied housing at some homeless shelters or can be denied approval to live with family members or friends, even if their crime did not involve violence or sexual contact with a minor, as is the case for over 200 of the 239 listed. These non-violent, non-contact homeless offenders must abide by the same restrictions applied to violent offenders, though their compliance is not regularly monitored.

In spite of the difficulties of securing housing and employment, and the widespread discrimination against this segment of the population, there have been no serious incidents for over seven years. Research by the Department of Justice and other sources has shown that only 3% of sex-offenders are likely to re-offend - far fewer than any other class of felon except murderers, who are rarely released at all.

This approach to the story might elicit a more humane, realistic, and constructive debate about what is most certainly a significant issue. Biased, unrealistic reporting does nothing to further a discussion of solutions. 

Some sex offenders are dangerous predators, and society truly needs protection from them. All sex-offenders, however, do not belong in that same category. Many registered sex offenders are non-violent, non-contact offenders (having been convicted for possession of pornography, for example) who have made mistakes and are committed to atoning for those mistakes and to rebuilding their lives. An objective media portrayal of their struggles and a restorative (rather than retributive) justice approach to their reparations would do much to alleviate the homeless problem for the offenders, their families, the victims, and the whole of society.

Gestapo Tactics

Since arriving in prison, some 2 ½ years ago, I've been hearing horror stories about the Tactical Support Unit (TSU). They are the "special teams" who would come in if there's some kind of prison riot or other dangerous situation. On the yard they are referred to as the "Ninja Turtles" or "Storm Troopers". After an experience with them on our yard, I call them the Gestapo. Typically, prison stories tend to be highly exaggerated, but in the case of the Gestapo, they didn't come close to the reality.


Our yard was on "hard lockdown" for two days so that the Turtles could search each of the 32 runs on the yard. A hard lockdown means meals are brought to us and any essential movement is escorted by officers. As a worker on another yard, I usually get to miss out on such experiences, but a few weeks ago I was not so lucky.

The Storm Troopers struck quickly and entered the run in full force shouting out orders and expletives. "Alright you f*****s, down to boxers and t-shirts and line up with heads down. Anyone looking around will be going to the f*****g medic!" Scare tactics for sure, so I thought, then they grabbed a guy and dragged him off the run and outside. "Somebody always wants to be a f*****g hero!" I hadn't seen or heard the victim do anything. Another inmate who looked up so see what was happening was also dragged out with excessive force.

The rest of us were strip-searched and marched out to the Day Room. "Chin to chest, hands behind our backs." We were packed together cross-legged, hands behind our backs. On the floor near where I was sitting was an honest-to-god turd -- I assume from someone who had sat there before us and was either scared or just unable to hold it. We sat that way, on hard concrete, for about an hour. When people tried to shift their bodies due to discomfort, they were reproached forcefully.

I, myself, was literally sweating due to the pain, even though I regularly meditate in a similar position. It was agony. Finally, we were allowed back in and it looked like a hurricane had come through the run.

The real horror of the situation was not revealed until lockdown was over and we started communicating. Between 40 to 100 inmates had been treated for medical issues from the beatings in every run. The victims' transgressions were "looking around," "asking a question," or other imagined offenses. One man with a prosthetic leg was beaten for not moving quickly enough. An older man with a blood disease had severe bruising all over his body.

This was apparently far more extreme than anything that even long-timers had ever seen. Several of the "regular" corrections officers wrote up reports due to the excessive brutality. There is supposedly an investigation underway, but it is unlikely that anything significant will come of it. The administration has been issuing disciplinary tickets to inmates who have complained.

What's really incredible is that this happened on two consecutive days, so even after the administration learned what had transpired on Day 1, it happened again on Day 2.

I wonder what type of person can act in such a way. While not all of The Turtles were as aggressive, not one did or said anything to prevent the horrors. I think about how -- in Nazi Germany -- huge segments of the population committed horrible crimes while others allowed it to happen. This "follower" mentality is a terrible and powerful force. And we are considered the criminals! Nobody deserves such abuse.

The George Bailey Principle

The other night I was able to fulfill my yearly tradition of watching "It's A Wonderful Life". I had a variety of thoughts based on the movie that I would like to share here.

The first is that one's life situation strongly influences one's perceptions of reality. I have been watching this movie every year for many years and I realize how differently I perceive it based on the condition of my life at that time. This is probably true of every good movie and every experience, but for "It's A Wonderful Life" it's particularly clear.

After I had spent several years traveling the world, I saw the movie as a tragedy. While it's true that George has friends and a rich life in Bedford Falls, he never got to follow his lifelong dream. I viewed Mary as a foul temptress who prevented George from his bliss. Having spent years globetrotting, I was a very aware of what he lost.

Later, after marriage and children of my own, I could appreciate the beauty of a home, family, and stability. Even after my divorce, I realized how intensely the world revolves around one's own children. I realized that George's life was not the tragedy I once thought it to be.

Presently, sitting in prison, reflecting on all that has transpired, I focus on the importance of friends and family support in you. When George was really losing it, Mary really stepped up to support, to assist, and to save the day. She stuck with and believed in her husband, even though he was a bit unstable and in spite of the allegations against him. I felt profound envy that George was with a woman who truly loved him and believed in him and that his community focused on his acts and achievements rather than speculations, allegations, and his faults.

I wonder how I'll see the movie in years to come.

Another powerful aspect of this film is the idea of what the world would be like without you. I assume that everyone who watches the movie applies this idea to his own life. What a measure of one's value! So when I apply this to my own life...what do I find? Is the world better off for my having been in it? Who would be better off if I had never been born? How have I influenced the world for the better?

Had I never been born, I wouldn't have downloaded those pictures. Would the victims of that child pornography have been better off if I had never downloaded the pictures? Would their lives have been different? I don't really know. I had no contact or communication with them, I didn't take the pictures or pay for them, or distribute them, but who's to say how that karma influenced the flow of life? I have said things and done things that have hurt others, that I wish I had never said or done. How did those things influence the lives of these people?

And what positive influence have I had on this world? Well, obviously, had I never been born, my amazing kids would not have been born, and I expect great things from them. I want to think I had a positive influence on my many students, and maybe really strongly in a few cases. My globetrotting lifestyle likely inspired several family members to do the same or similar. I'd like to believe that maybe some of my encounters with people all over the world had some positive consequences. Overall, I truly think the world is better for my having been in it.

It seems that this idea would be a wonderful way for the justice system to evaluate a person who made a mistake. I call it the George Bailey Defense. Is the world, or community, a better place for the accused having been in it? How have their actions directly harmed the lives of others? How have they enriched the lives of others? What kind of hole would be left if they were removed from society? It seems like this holistic approach might be a better benchmark for the value of one's being.

Armageddon upon us?

Reflecting on the "apocalypse" prophecies that abounded for the end of 2012 makes me consider some things. Perhaps the Mayans were not so far off. It seems, sadly, that an Armageddon is, in fact, upon us, but not due to any external or natural forces but because of our own sick, twisted, and ego - clinging culture.

There has been much talk and debate over gun control and the treatment of mental health since the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut. Also talk of school and personal security and our basic rights.

The Secretary of the State of Arizona, the villainous Tom Horne, proposed an "armed educator" plan, whereby at least one staff member in every school would be expected, or required to be "packing heat".

As a parent, and a former teacher, I am appalled by this proposal for many reasons. First and foremost, what kind of lesson does it model for our children? As educators, we are expected to model and instill life lessons to our students, which include communication as an alternative to violence as a problem solving skills. How can we do that, in good faith, if schools themselves do not adhere to this policy?

Also, having weapons in close proximity to kids, all the time, is a recipe for disaster. What if little Johnny is really getting on Ms. Crabapple's already frayed nerves and she just loses it? Or a violent altercation starts up between kids, or groups of kids. Perhaps firing a warning shot might restore the peace!

And consider the temptation for the more mischievous students, particularly in middle or high school, if they know there is a gun around. The implications are terrifying.

What is perhaps more disturbing to me, as a human being, is that according to a poll I saw on the evening news, 83% of those who responded were in favor of such a proposal!

I agree that this shooting was horrific, and that kids deserve protection. But they deserve our best ideas, not more guns, which will only fuel the fire even further. Of course, this comes from the same state that brought us - and vehemently defends - SB 1070, a piece of legislation intended to promote fear, distrust, divisiveness, and racism. 

Arizona is rapidly becoming a police state, where reason and compassion are swept away in favor of fear mongering and mistrust. The penal system, as I have written of extensively, is but one aspect. Recently, a list of "banned books" was distributed to the state complexes. Along with books that may contain graphic erotica, included are many books on drawing (i.e., teaching yourself to draw), books on carpentry, plumbing, and electrician skills, books that criticize or give information on the prison system, books on homeopathic and natural medicine, books on the Mayans and the Aztec, books on calligraphy, and a huge array of other equally dumbfounding subjects. "A Game of Thrones", Dean Koontz "Frankenstein" (book two only), "No Country For Old Men" and "Shutter Island" which are both on TV regularly, and more than 1000 others. Not only does the department of corrections do little to assist in rehabilitation, they seem to be actively opposed to it. I can see the logic behind many of the books on the list, but 75% or more have me scratching my head.

Many inmates, disgruntled or even terrified of the state policies, have attempted to apply for interstate compacts upon release - to live with family outside of the state. All that I have spoken with have been denied. Once this penal system gets its hooks in you, it does not let go. I wonder if this happens in other states?

The Federal government also exhibits this lack of reason and compassion. The whole " fiscal cliff" debacle illustrates how politicians are removed from the wants and needs of the people. The posturing and bickering has little to do with the common good and much to do with individual agendas and reputations.

My faith in humanity is taking a huge beating as I stop and look around this crazy country. I am but one person (barely even that as a convict), and my voice is just a squeak compared to the Niagara Falls-like roar of tyranny and injustice. Can't we do better than this?

The soapbox is now yours....

Thought Crime, Part 2

Part 2: Potential Prevention (or barriers thereof)

Several people, including Jess, have inquired as to why I did not seek some kind of treatment earlier, before my secrets were revealed, especially since I claimed to be working on these issues.  (I suspect that some are dubious of this claim, but again I must be satisfied with my own knowledge of this truth.)

It seems to me that my present situation should adequately address this inquiry.  To be truly honest with a counselor or therapist is a potential ticket to prison.  So it seems, as well, is an attempt to be truly honest with a fiancée.

Ironically the consequence of my actions continues to prevent me from getting professional help, as well as surrounding me with others as misguided, or more so, than myself.  There is a sex offender treatment program (SOTP) available in the prison system, but not on my yard.  I looked into a transfer, but at present the wait list for the program is several years.  There is also a concern that information shared in this program could be used against you later on.  This may seem like inmate paranoia or a rationalization, but it's written into DOC policy and has been conveyed by various attorneys in publications and to their clients here.  Yet still, there is a waiting list.

This course must also be taken (at your own expense) upon release from prison whether or not it is taken here, and still there is a waiting list.  So the idea that sex offense felons do not have a desire to heal is obviously not the case.

Jess also questioned why I withheld this tragic secret from her at the start of our relationship.  Again, her reaction to the situation speaks for itself.  If I had been honest at the start, would it have made a difference?  Would she still have reported me to the police?  And if not, why not?  If, as she claims, she truly believed me to be a risk to others, how would the time and manner of disclosure change the potential (or lack thereof) of inappropriate behavior?

Or perhaps the reality is that I was turned over to the police out of anger, or because I was not fully honest.  I certainly realize how dramatic and horrifying this discovery must have been.  I feel horrible for causing that pain, but communication, explanation, and cooperation might have been more beneficial to everyone.

I also wonder about the ethical implications of my lack of full disclosure about my habits.  When the consequences of this discovery are so disproportionate to the crime, and so devastating to me, my family and friends, is it morally wrong to hide the truth?  I really do think that honesty in a relationship is essential, and I violated that trust. Yet in a situation like this, it seems less clear.

In truth, my reasons were more selfish than that.  I never in my wildest dreams even considered that she might go to the police.  No, I hid to the extent of my destructive habit because I was embarrassed, and because I didn't want to risk losing her.  This was selfish, I know, but I was so incredibly in love.  That's hardly a good defense of my actions, but well, there it is.

The point here, which I just a rambled a way from, is that because of the assumptions of society, the attitudes of the justice system, and the lambasting by the media, there are really very few options available to someone seeking help in dealing with these issues, until perhaps it's too late.

This is a significant issue that requires a major shift in perspective and an openness to the uncomfortable realities of the human condition.

I know this topic and these ideas have been rehashed here in various ways ad nauseam, but this is where my mind goes again and again.  I am unable to work through this with any truly objective party, so I do so with thoughts and words to myself, and anyone who might happen to read this.

I know that I am not objective, but I sincerely hope that I am making sense.  As always, I encourage responses and comments.  I encourage you to call bullshit on ideas you disagree with.  I would love to hear opposing viewpoints and considerations I may have failed to address.  I try to view these situations and thoughts from other perspectives, and I might omit these observations from my ramblings, but would welcome those in this forum.

Strange and fascinating travel

I have been extremely fortunate in my life to have traveled the world rather extensively.  I have spent time in some 20 countries, oftentimes for more than just a few weeks.  I love observing and experiencing  different cultures and customs, seeing different architecture and geographies, eating different foods, encountering different religions, and hearing and talking with people from a different background than my own.

My time traveling, living, and working in other countries remain some of the most satisfying in my life.  It's not always easy, but it's usually most interesting.  There is not a single country that I regret visiting, and few that I would not want to visit again.

When I finally "settled" into Tucson son, Arizona, with a wife, a home, and kids, I went through a bit of an identity crisis.  I would say that this contributed, at least in part, to my divorce.  Eventually,I realized that this new phase of life was in fact another part of my journey.  Parenting was a new frontier to experience.  It came with its own perspectives, it's own language, its own strange customs, and even its own foods.  To look through the eyes of my children, the whole world was magical, new, and wonderful again.

I held this notion as I grew along with my kids, and I always encouraged them to experience their lives and their world to the fullest.  Now, I'm in another stage of the journey.  I am spending the longest period of time "outside" the United States in a strange land called the Department of Corrections, or DOC.  It's truly unusual and not one of the favorite places I've been.  Not only would I not want to visit again, but I think I'd rather not have even visited once.  But here is where I am, so I will continue to try to learn from the strange culture that I find myself in.

The country is very small, with little in the way of flora and fauna, and chain link and razor wire protect its borders.  It's very hard to get a visa to leave this country.

There are a variety of languages spoken here.  Spanish and spanglish are very common and there are several dialects of English that are hard, but not impossible to understand, among these are "homey", "nigggah" and "Gangsta".  People in this country speak unusually loud and like to insert expletives into their conversation for no reason at all.

The national costume is orange.  They even wear orange hats and shorts as well as orange jackets.  A few of the resident wear uniforms, but they have travel visas and do not have to stay in DOC.  All of the residents are male.

The food is a rather bland and lacking in freshness and creativity.  It seems that no fruit or vegetables are grown or even imported into this land.  Many people crowd into a small amount of space and do not have refrigerators, or stoves, or other common appliances.  They have great skills in combining a limited number of resources into microwavable meals.

The society is very much a caste system, based on racial heritage, physical size and strength, age, and ability to procure resources. The "heads" of the villages do not get their position through elections, they seem to be appointed.  They are responsible for the behavior and harmony of their own Clan members.  They also try to maintain peace between clans by talking to other Clan and other village heads.  It is not the custom to resolve differences directly with members of different clans.  It is acceptable to resolve differences with members of your own Clan.  It is also the strange custom to belittle your Clan members and to suggest a wide variety of sexual acts that they should participate in with yourself. with them, or any number of other people, including the woman who gave birth to you.

The punishment for transgressions against clan rule is generally a punch in the head, administered by the clan heads.  It is reserved for more extreme situations like disrespect, inability to pay one's debts, and unacceptable behavior.

The country utilizes a barter economy.  There is trading, gambling, and games of chance where the entry fee is a soup, an envelope, a pouch of coffee or the like.  The Super Bowl pool was the equivalency of a dollar in merchandise, but not "fish, toiletries, or other lame goods."

A very strange custom is the "lighter box shuffle." There are no lighters or matches in this land, but there are electric boxes that can light your cigarette.  There is a strange ritual involved with the lighting of one's cigarette.  People will walk farther to get to a person for a "jumpstart" than they will to the box itself.  This is understandable if the box is not working, but it seems to be the preferred way of doing things.  Also, when one is standing at the box with a lit smoke, it seems insulting to use the box rather than to get a light from them.  And some do not want you to actually touch or take their smokes, and others expect you to do so.  Again, I'm still unsure of the proper protocol even after nearly two years in this country.

Other strange rituals involve removing your clothes on a regular basis for inspections.  In fact, the "homes" are routinely searched for contraband.  At times the residents must wait in the day room in their boxer shorts while this happens.  (There are no briefs in DOC.) Sometimes dogs are present for the searches, and they are none too friendly.

But the residents of DOC are an interesting lot, with interesting stories and very diverse backgrounds.  They have as much to teach me as the citizens of other countries I've visited. Many have elaborate body art.

The DOC residents (called felons, inmates, sex offenders, or prisoners) tend to be rather spiritual, and many actually carry around bibles and speak of Jesus and the word of god.  Many other religions are practiced and represented as well.  Saturday mornings bring the sound of drums and the smell of burning wood for the "Chief Clan" sweat lodge.

Friday nights, you can hear the sound of some pagan chant and smell burning sage.  Thursday evenings in "the great hall" there's a cacophony of chants, spells, hums, and other sounds as it's the "multi-faith" gathering. 

There is much waiting around and standing in lines in DOC and the standard of living is very low.  A fulltime, semi-skilled worker will make around $14.00 a week.

It's not a country I would choose to visit, but as I am here for a while I will continue to learn from the strange and unique culture that I find myself in.  Happy travels to all.

 

Part One:  Intention and Perspective

                I got fired from my job the other day.  I gave one of the maximum security inmates a hit from my cigarette through the cage he was in.  Tobacco is contraband for these inmates, though not for us, so I was "furnishing contraband to an inmate," which is considered a major offense.  What I see as a random act of kindness, is seen by an administration as a conspiracy to incite subversive behavior.  It's all in one's perspective I suppose.

                So I later spoke to the officer in charge of employment, to see about getting another job, but she was less than sympathetic.  "What were you thinking?" ere her exact words.

                Indeed, what was I thinking.  Well, in retrospect the rapid succession of thought that I had at that very moment was something along the lines of this:

                He asked me if I had an extra smoke.  I was cautious, even a bit frightened at first, and said I did not (which was untrue).  He might very well be a murderer, child molester, or some equally heinous type of thug.  Then, he asked if he could have a hit from mine.

                Then I thought, he's another inmate, like me.  He made some poor choices, some mistakes, much like myself.  Perhaps there were extenuating circumstances that nobody believed or even acknowledged.  He may have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, as happens to everyone at one time or another.

                Then I thought how he, as a maximum security inmate, was one of the few people on this planet who had it worse than me.  Nearly 24/7 lockdown, no windows, no natural light, less respect from the officers then even on my yard and far fewer "goodies" than the few we are allowed.

                Then I realized that I was still applying labels.  I was caught up in the same mindset of so many others.  Quite simply, he was a fellow human being, imperfect as we all are, and as such, why not give the guy a drag.  So I passed it through the cage, he took an appreciative drag, it in handed it back and said "thanks".

                The yard captain came around the corner at that very moment and shouted at me not to bother coming back to work tomorrow.  So I have an unexpected "hiatus".  I'm sad I lost my job, as I liked it.  I'm not sad to avoid the multiple strip searches every day and the hours of waiting each week.  I can't, however, regret the piece of my humanity, the compassion, and empathy that led to my "transgression".

                Back to the idea of perspective.  In reality, this truly was a random act of kindness while simultaneously being a subversive and inappropriate action.  It all depends on how you choose to view it.  This illustrates one of the inherent and fundamental problems in the legal system.  In prison, we are discouraged from kindness and compassion by both the institution as well as prevailing prison culture.  And these "opposing" forces are in continued conflict that spirals ever downward.

                In the court system, the emphasis is only on the mistakes that people made, oftentimes dangerous, destructive, and even psychotic, yet they are only a part of our humanity and do not define us completely.  In truth, most are foolish lapses of judgment, often created by adversity, struggle, and ignorance.  Addiction, poverty, lack of education, lack of guidance, and desperation are undoubtedly the leading influences to criminal behavior.  Yet we treat the symptom rather than the cause.

                Then there's the media, which continually sensationalizes the "horror" and tends to skimp on the full story, which perpetuates a climate of fear, segregation, and alienation of the "criminal element" of society.

                I realize that people need security and protection, though I sometimes wonder who we need protection from.  As I gaze down on the run around me, it doesn't seem to be these people.  Is it the guy with whom I shared a cigarette?  I don't know, I don't know him, I couldn't really even see his face well through the cage.  I do know that after I was admonished by the captain, he shouted out to me "Hey man, I'm sorry about that, that was my bad". But it wasn't his bad, it was my good, and I will continue to hold that thought in spite of the attempts to wear down my humanity.

               

Part Two: Humane Solutions

                It was brought to my attention that while I often point out the flaws and foibles of the legal system, I rarely offer up a solution.  Yeah, I know; bitching about things is easy and it's a very complex situation which has a direct causality to the safety and security of society as a whole.  So I realize the gravity of this issue.

                I will present some possible suggestions that could improve the system.  I am not a policymaker, nor do I understand the complexities of budget manipulation.  Though, generally speaking, these ideas would probably save millions in tax dollars in the long run.

                First, I look at the state penitentiary system.  Quite simply, one idea is to replace the prevailing culture of dehumanization and suspicion to one of mutual respect and true rehabilitation. The training of correctional officers could be expanded to include such phrases as "please" and "thank you" when "ordering" us about.  An officer once told me, and I swear I'm not making this up, that in training they are taught to assume that anything an inmate says is a lie.  This is not a path to respect, correction, or rehabilitation. The inmates should also be instructed on the values of mutual respect and politeness.  While there will always be those, on both sides, that will be hard to get through to, most people will be respectful and accommodating when they are treated with respect.  It should be the rule rather than the exception - from both groups. And it must start with administration, as they should set the example.

                Real therapy, counseling, and support groups are absolutely a necessity to rehabilitation.  There are many intelligent, specialized, and even professional inmates in the system that much of this could be done by inmates, especially with incentive programs.  And as a culture of mutual respect develops, it would become easier to establish such programs.

                Also, an encouragement of education and exploration in the arts seems to be essential to healing, growing and above all creating self respect.  Art, music, drama, sculpture, and so on should not be discouraged or prohibited, but should be offered, encouraged, and taught.  Again, much of this could be done by inmates themselves.  There are extremely limited opportunities offered here at present along those lines.  Resources could come, at least in part, from inmates and scholarships and grants could also supplement this.  Perhaps partnerships with arts councils or other organizations could be established and they could identify potential talents and even recoup these investments by selling or saving the work.  Some states have similar arrangements.  A sense of purpose and self worth is absolutely essential to meaningful rehabilitation.

                As far as the court system goes, it seems that GPS and monitoring could be better utilized in the many situations where a perpetrator has no history of violence, like first time offenders, if there is no victim, no aggression and/or no predation.  It seems this would be far cheaper than paying for food, shelter, clothing and Medical Care for thousands and thousands of individuals.  This would greatly relieve the financial burden of those left behind, assuming the convict can secure employment though a shift in societal perspective seems necessary to have success in this area.

                Admittedly, the trick is effective and objective measures toward potential danger, but as I mentioned in previous posts, I went through an extensive psychological evaluation that was pretty much ignored. Judges could be far more creative in assigning sentences that truly address the issues of the defendant, like mandatory social work, volunteerism, court ordered treatment, and restitution toward victims both financial, and if applicable, in other ways as well.  Many in here have court ordered restitution, but this has little meaning when you are incarcerated for years, and if you're able to work, you make 35¢ per hour.

                Perhaps felonious co-ops might have a place in this brave new world of real and effective justice.  It doesn't seem impossible.  I'm not suggesting the expectation that felons around the country will suddenly all join hands and start singing "Kumbaya".  I'm saying there are better ways to deal with crime and criminals.

                This country has a significantly higher percentage of our population behind bars and any other in the world.  In fact, I read that the number of incarcerated Americans exceeds that of all other countries combined!  Why is this so?  Are we more immoral?  More criminally inclined?  I doubt it.  What are other countries or other states doing that are working?  These are things to explore.  Is there a Justice Committee in the House or in the Senate?  If so, what do they do?  If not, why not?

                Finally, how do you change the mindset of the entire country's preconceived notions of crime and criminals?  The media has much to do with this.  How do you curtail their sensationalism and fear mongering without limiting freedom of speech?  What about more balanced reporting?  What about prohibiting media coverage until after a case is decided?  After all, isn't everything before that conjecture?  Innocent until proven guilty has little credit in the news reporting, and does that not influence the supposed impartiality of the justice system?  It has been repeatedly suggested to me that I got more time than most in here, with similar charges, because I was a teacher and because there was media coverage.  How is that an impartial justice based on equality?

                Perhaps the media could give equal treatment to the causes of subversive behavior rather than sensationalizing the threats they pose.  Nowhere is this more evident than the exaggeration of "sex offenders".  Are there really more child abductors, kidnappers, and child molesters lurking behind every bush now then there were 20, 30, or 40 years ago?  When I grew up, this was not really a concern.  Is society that different now, or have we been programmed to believe so?  Does the influence of media actually encourage such deviance, creating self-fulfilling prophecies?  Or if we really are so different now, why is that so?  This is the real story.

                Again, perhaps looking at media and news in other countries might give us insight.  It seems in most other nations, news is more about news without the hype, conjecture, and melodrama. These are but a few ideas toward a newer and more effective way of dealing with crime in society.  As always, I welcome any suggestions, criticism, feedback, or additional ideas that you may have.  Perhaps an improvement is really possible.

Power Of The Prosecutor

This essay was commissioned by a friend, who shared with me an article from Huffington Post.  The article deals with the incredible power that prosecutors have in today's justice system.  This article does not address the situation in context to sex offenses, which correspond to the claims of the author perhaps even more glaringly than his own assertions.  The full article can be found at www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/16/the-power-of-the-prosecutor.

As I have mentioned in other essays, the prosecutors in the legal system have an inordinate amount of power and very few checks as to the abuse and manipulation of that power. The author, Radly Balko, addresses some of these and I'd like to illustrate how they fit into sex offense cases.

"There are too many laws... It is nearly impossible for layperson to keep track of all the laws that are created and modified in any given year."  The civil libertarian and defense Atty. Harvey Silvergate has argued that most Americans know unknowingly commit about three felonies per day." This is obviously a frightening statistic, and in the case of "sex crimes" they are added and modified continuously.

For example, ARS13-3553. the statute under which I was convicted, does not have any exceptions for exemptions built into it.  This means that my ex fiancée who viewed and transported the images in question to the police as well as the police, and the justice system personnel that exhibited these images, are guilty of the same crime than I am.  The power or willingness to enforce or prosecute this law seems to be an arbitrary decision based on the whims of law enforcement and justice system personnel.  I do not wish to imply that Jess, or the police should be charged, but the fact is that they could be and have violated the statute for which I am serving time.

Prosecutors are also protected by immunity that "shields them from liability, no matter how egregious their mistakes." How does this provide a truly objective system?  In Arizona at least, a judge will nearly always rely on the prosecution's case without any investigation to the claims.  Defense attorneys, especially public defenders, will not bother to investigate either, leaving the prosecutor free to embellish, manipulate, and even break the rules of the justice system.

As Balko states, "the prosecutor's job is no longer about enforcing the laws, but about choosing which laws to enforce."

"The laws are vaguely and broadly written."  This is evidenced by the previous scenario regarding ARS13-3553.  Also, the law includes: recording, filming, photographing, duplicating, developing, distributing, transporting, exhibiting, receiving, selling, purchasing, electronically transmitting, possessing, or exchanging in any visual depiction in which a minor is engaged in exploitive exhibition or other sexual conduct." In other words viewing an image is viewed with the same severity as actually taking pictures with intent to distribute.  The question of intent is completely absent from the equation.

In fact, in Arizona, a conviction for child molestation only requires proof of "knowingly and intentionally touching the genitals [of a child]." This may appear straightforward, but the state need not prove sexual intent or motivation.  Yet without sexual intent, the innocent actions perform daily by doctors, parents, child care workers, and others become repugnant actions of the predator needing to be punished.  Is not the annual "hernia check" performed in our school days the "intentional touching of the genitals"?  Dr. and gynecological visits, parental medical administrations, and a number of other acts are not exempt by this definition.  I know of at least one inmate serving a life sentence for an innocent actions such as this.  A life sentence with no need to question whether this contact was sexually motivated.

It is also well known that by and large, for prosecutors the justice system is a numbers game.  Elections, promotions, and appointments are based on racking up high numbers of conditions.  There is really no praise or incentive for declining to prosecute in the interests of justice.  I'm sure there are prosecutors, and defense lawyers who are guided by ethical standards, but politics often takes a greater role in the system.

Plea bargains, which were intended to reduce the burdens placed on the horrendously overstretched court system, are seen by some as a tool that lets guilty people off with lighter punishment than they deserve.  In reality however, they are being used as a tool of manipulation by the prosecution.  Multiple charges are often stacked, creating a terrifying prospect to defendants to take a plea.  In my situation I was looking at 100 - 300 years if I'd been found guilty on all charges, for possessing pictures that I had downloaded unseen, many of which had long been deleted.  I'm not defending my acts, but life in prison for this seems kind of extreme.  So I took a plea, not realizing the degree to which I was forfeiting my rights of due process in terms of seeking post conviction relief.  This type of scenario is by far the norm of this yard.  I know of several inmates who claim to be innocent, that took a plea of guilt because the implications of a wrongful conviction were too staggering to comprehend.

The Post article refers to "bringing the hammer down" as a method of intimidation and a showing of brute force.  I, thankfully, was spared the humiliation of SWAT teams busting into my home "guns a-blazin' " but many of my fellow inmates were not.  Most of these "dangerous felons" are rather meek and "nerdy" computer geeks - who might have relied on computer "fantasy" to compensate for an insecurity in human relations.  Yet teams of gun toting law enforcers would burst into their homes and drag them out and cuffs.  I mean, really?  Is this truly necessary or productive in any way to them, the families, or even to taxpayer dollars?  It's a display of might.

We also saw how post 9/11 a whole host of laws were enacted to protect ourselves from the tyranny of terrorism.  Yet again many of these laws could be used to limit our own rights to free speech and are vague and controversial.  Computer monitoring has resulted in a huge spike in convictions of internet-related sex crimes.  Again, not to condone these activities, but is that the intention of these restrictions to privacy?

The notion that "criminality is influenced by politics" is at its most evident in the sensationalism of prosecuting sex crimes.  How often is "tonight's top story" about illegal porn,  allegations of inappropriate behavior, or some kind of sex scandal?  It's a great strategy to rally and stir up the population at large, but the long-term effects on individuals, their families, and society as a whole is both underplayed an overlooked.  Very few of the monstrous and villainous sex offenders with whom I am incarcerated are truly a danger to society at large, and I imagine the same is true in the general population as well, but the prosecutors of this nation are not interested in such triviality.

Appeal To My Readers

 Thank you to all who have taken the time and effort to read my disjointed observations on a variety of topics.  Especially to those who have made comments to the post, or to me directly and indirectly.  Thank you for your words of support and your feedback.

I would love to hear from more of you.  Are there things which might be unclear to you?  Perhaps I am too accustomed to my surroundings and may need to clarify things.  Are there things you'd like me to elaborate on?  Other questions that I haven't addressed yet?

Perhaps you, or someone you know, has had similar or even opposing experience to my own.  Maybe you think I'm a whiny bitch who deserves everything that has happened and more.  Perhaps you might think I'm being a naive  about some things, or maybe you might agree.  I'd like to know what your thoughts are.

If you know of any other sites or resources that might be related to the topics presented, feel free to share them in this forum.  If you have any research that either concurs with or opposes any of my assertions, I like to know about them.  I'm particularly interested to hear about the situations and conditions of convicts, prisons, and sex offenders in states other than Arizona.

If you know of resources that might contribute to my growth, healing, recovery, and spiritual development, emotionally and psychologically, I'm always welcoming of suggestions.  Perhaps other readers might benefit from these as well.

And by all means, pass this blog URL on to others who might have any interest in the topics presented - even if it's just for them to feel better about their own life situations!  Sometimes it's helpful to have a solid, real - life example of "it could be worse".  I feel this way when I see the conditions of those in the maximum security yard where I work.

If any of my essays are appropriate to any publications, or to other web sites, I give my express permission to share them, though I'd love to know about it.

While my intentions of this blog are to promote awareness and to perhaps help others, it is also very much a form of therapy for myself, and I get little true feedback, counting, criticism, or support in this environment and I would welcome any from you all.

Thank you again and I continue to send thoughts of loving kindness (metta), compassion, peace,  and joy to all of you.

Sincerely,

The Caged Bird

(Note from the poster:  The Caged Bird asked me to include a link to this website.  He is in touch with the organization and wanted to connect his blog to their website.   Click on the logo above or here: http://compassionworksforall.org/)

A Father's Lament

I talked to the kids on the phone this morning. On my second call, I had to cut off my time with my son as I had my monthly Buddhist Service. I could not focus on the service, or discussion, as I could only think of my kids. They had been telling me about putting up trees at their mom's and their aunt's (my sister). These were always my activities with them.

My kids were always a center of my life, I could never understand how any parent could "abandon" their kids either physically or mentally. I know I was never the perfect dad, but I tried to be as close as I could. A friend sent me a few more pictures of my "new" son, who I've never met, including one of Jess holding him up and smiling warmly and lovingly into his eyes. I guess there's also a video of him walking. He does not even know I exist, and I feel he's been robbed from me. Even worse, now I'm one of those parents who abandoned their kids. But it wasn't my choice.

So I thought I'd copy a journal entry I wrote several months ago while thinking of my kids. Here it is:

10/26 I've been thinking of my kids even more than usual recently. One reason for this is the approach of Halloween. That was always one of my favorite times with them. I took them most years, whether it was my turn or not. We would usually trick or treat in our neighborhood.

I also usually took them to the All Souls Day/Day of the Dead procession, a huge event in our town that is a cross between the Mexican Day of the Dead and Mardi Gras. It was a big deal with my gang of friends and we constructed elaborate floats on several occasions. I involved the kids in that process as much as possible.

This led me to think of other traditions and activities that I may never have with them again. I used to be "the monster" when we went to any park, chasing them throughout the jungle gyms, up ladders, over bridges, and down slides. They never tired of that game, but when I get out they will be long past it. The same is true for bedtime stories, which we still were doing "when it all fell apart". Of course they were doing much more of the reading then.

Some traditions will still be alive, I hope. "Question time" and "story cubes" were, and I hope will be, a part of every meal. It was a way to create bonding and sharing at the dinner table. I was so very proud when one thanksgiving, and the huge table that included several strangers to the kids, my son stood up and yelled out "question time!"

Another tradition that might live on is "pizza and a movie night" if, that is, I'm allowed to have my own children overnight. Perhaps the movies that we watch will "grow" along with the kids, but I did enjoy watching classic cartoons, and Pixar films, and great kids' movies with them. When I started allowing them to choose, the quality wasn't always of the same caliber!

(Later that day) WOW!! I just got a letter from my daughter. She was telling me how much she missed many of those exact things I just wrote about! She also reminded me about "monster in the theater," where I chased the kids around the aisles after the movie was over and the cinema cleared out.

This led to the unpleasant thoughts about how this punishment of my crime also punishes the kids and has little to do with any recovery or strengthening of communities. It is only destructive. There are so many other productive, constructive, effective and efficient ways to dispense justice, but that is for another day.

Imagine

In pondering and writing about all of the events and circumstances in my situation, I think about the callous and faceless nature of the court system as a whole.

I had very little opportunity to present myself to the courts as the human being that I am. The vast bulk of the process is lawyers dickering with each other, filing motions, affidavits, and petitions. Several of my court appearances were to read a charge and set up another date. Other times, for one side or the other, were to postpone or extend, to set up another date, and so on.

So I wonder, why could there not be a process where a judge just talks with the defendant. The system would probably cry out the courts are already so overburdened and backed up that there is neither the time nor resources for such an endeavor. Yet it seems to me that it would be less cumbersome and time consuming than all of the motioning, posturing, and dickering that goes on now.

I had to undergo extensive psychosexual evaluations, but ultimately they seemed to mean little to nothing to the judge or prosecutor. So why the charade of this procedure? Perhaps as a true component of the judicial system there could be a risk analysis and a treatment proposal that actually carry some weight.

The system itself perpetuates this lack of "cutting to the chase". One should never speak without a lawyer. In most cases the lawyers do the majority of the talking. A lawyer is necessary to navigate the maze and hoops of the system.

But why must it be this way? Ostensibly it is to protect the rights of the accused, but that seems not to be the case. That the courts are "out to get you" should not be the reality, though in my experience and also from listening to and reading about many others, this seems to be so.

I realize that I'm seeing and hearing about only those who have been found guilty and are incarcerated, but the scenarios are both commonplace an astounding. I acknowledge that I can't believe everyone's story, but the truth is that we are already in prison so there's little incentive to lie. Most all that I talk to will readily admit they are guilty, but there are often tales of outlandish assertions on exaggerations that add to the consequences. And relevant circumstances that aid and reduce the offense are dismissed as immaterial. Anything damaging is fact, and anything exonerating is suspicious or irrelevant.

This is certainly true in my case, and I hear similar tales again and again. There is no attempt at real meaningful dialogue in the justice system. That does not have to be the way.

This is also a problem with our whole political system as well. Everyone has an agenda, which is more important than the good of the whole. Compromise, communication, and rationality play little role in the decision-making process.

Of course how can I expect the court system to communicate or to understand me when even my fiancé was unwilling to do so. While the courts might have little or no inclination to understand the big picture, one would expect or hope that their loved ones would. One would be wrong in that supposition.

Is this an anomaly due to individual circumstances? Or is society as a whole buying into a program of condemn first ask questions later. I notice that the media will always sensationalize the negative and condemn well before any attempt is made to see the whole picture, and if that ever happens, it's already too late.

But it's not too late to shift towards empathy, compassion, and understanding. I'm not suggesting to give felons bouquets of roses, but at least give them a legitimate voice in the process and to propose a course of action and a dialogue that has a productive and constructive outcome. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one! Imagine that!

Injustice In Action

I would like to share some more of my experiences with Arizona's injustice system, again with the hope that it might help anyone who might become entangled in the nets of judicial bureaucracy.

When I first was able to view the police reports of my crime (after it had already been leaked to the media) I was completely flabbergasted at the assertion of some 60,000 images of a "dubious" nature. "Known or suspected images of illegal pornography" was the specific wording. A computer program had scanned the computer and external drive and this was the result of that scan.

I realized that there were duplicates of most of the images, as the search included all files that had been deleted for many months. I also realize that it included the vast majority of which were (while I'm not proud of them) of fully clothed or bathing suit images and not illegal.

I repeatedly and vociferously conveyed this to my attorney. She dismissed the objections as unimportant. When the judgment was made at the sentencing hearing, this factor led to an additional 2 1/2 years of prison time. My lawyer made a feeble statement about not relying on a computer to verify this claim.

Upon my initial appeal my new public defender also failed to raise this objection of mine and eventually my appeal for relief was denied for "no issues of factual objections".

Then, I petitioned the court of appeals, representing myself, and I was able to state my concerns and pointed out that this aggravating factor was not "proven beyond a reasonable doubt."

I just received notification that my appeal was denied. Though I really knew it was a long shot, I've come to have little faith or expectation in the justice system, but it still caused some angst, removing yet another layer of hope to an earlier release.

But what really bothers me was the statement as to the reason for my denial: " (the defendant) did not raise this argument below, instead implicitly acknowledging he had possessed tens of thousands of images. Accordingly, we do not address this argument further."

So my lawyers refusal to voice my concerns in court implied tacit agreement. This point cannot be raised on appeal as it was not raised in the trial court, though I repeatedly brought it to my attorney's attention. Even before the hearing she basically had written me off, and was suggesting that I appeal the decision. After the hearing, she again suggested I appeal and that this could be a valid point of appeal. One would think that, as an experienced attorney, she would know that in appealing a hearing, one is limited to the points that had been raised. I suspect that she didn't want to deal with and actually checking my assertion and wanted my case over and done with.

Of course, in retrospect, I should have been more proactive. I naively assumed that the attorney knew what she was doing. I must also point out that I was taken to the courthouse, in cuffs, after being awakened at 3:30 AM. I was not at my mental best, barely able to choke through the statement I had prepared. The prosecutors words and accusations barely penetrated my mental haze.

Would this issue have changed the outcome? I don't know, but I do know that my judge and prosecutor both have reputations of being severe. My public defender told me straight out that with 90% of the other judges I would have had a lighter sentence. Justice is determined by a roll of the dice it seems.

I'd also have the opportunity to raise this issue throughout the appeals process. While I have little hope remaining, I plan to continue to fight and take it to the next level. At least it's something to do.

Resilience and Purpose

Each year, right around New Year's, my "crazy, new age aunt" chooses Angel Cards for everyone in the family. This is something that we should try to work on, focus on, and become aware of in the coming year. Jess and I also " played around" with angel cards.

Well, for the last year (2012), I had appropriately been chosen for "resilience". Though I'm not particularly sure how well I did with it. On the one hand, I'm still here, still alive, so I suppose I inadvertently and ultimately succeeded. On the other hand, however, I did make an honest and conscious effort to take my life, so I suppose I should not say that I really demonstrated resilience.

I've been trying to make something of this shithole of an existence. My dictionary defines resilience as "an ability to recover from illness" and I've been working on growing and healing, but I'm unsure if I've truly recovered from anything.

I was told by my aunt that for 2013 I had "chosen" the card "purpose". Wow... That's another good one! And it dawned on me how interrelated the two really are. In order to be resilient I must have some sort of purpose to my life, and that is difficult here. So much of the purpose that I once identified with has been stripped away: father, teacher, homeowner, and pet owner were roles of purpose that defined me, particularly the first two, but they are not a part of who I am at present. I know that I'm still a father, but the purpose of caring for and raising my children is gone.

I sincerely believe that I have been striving to give purpose to this horrible situation of futility and irrationality. I have committed to the path to improve my mind, body, and spirit. I have completed the only college course available to me here, I exercise more than I have for years, I work the 12 steps of sex addiction, I read, I am practicing Buddhist techniques and teachings, and I'm writing this blog and other works. I must confess, though, that I often feel this blog is little more than a journal, as very few seem to read or comment on it, but it's at least "out there".

I'm working as a legal clerk, with the opportunity to learn about the legal maze.

So what else can I do? I know that I must not give up, though I often feel the effort is hopeless. I'm still overwhelmed by emotional suffering. I know that in theory, I must "let go" and not "attach"; that all this is impermanent. I know that I should choose peace over suffering but it often seems I have little choice. The suffering is too pervasive.

Yet I also realize that I tend to feed it. I look at pictures of my children, and I cry. I make an effort to look at the few pictures that I have of Jess with our son, and I cry. I know that is going to hurt, yet I still dig into my box for those pictures. So perhaps I am choosing this misery over purpose.

I don't think that I enjoy feeling hurt. Yet thoughts of Jess arise constantly. Can I make the choice to stop those thoughts from arising? Or perhaps I must allow them to arise and pass with equanimity, without attachment to them. I try, but I'm often unsuccessful.

I'm reading a book by Dr. Harold Bloomfield, called "making peace with your past". He writes: "another source of resistance is an addiction to feeling victimized...you might fear that resolving...issues would leave you nothing to complain about." Is this what is happening with me? I tend to rationalize that very few can really understand the pain that I continue to experience. Yet there are so many in here who can laugh and joke and have fun. Are they just more enlightened than I? It seems like those who exhibit the least amount of respect, reflection, or compassion are the ones most enjoying themselves. Is this just all illusion? Or am I on the wrong track completely.
Bloomfield also writes:

"If you're kicking yourself over a failure or a mistake, shifts the energy of regret to that of curiosity and view what happened in a larger context. Or perhaps it was a necessary aspect of your experience, without which you would not have had certain successes."

Now he's just teasing me, but it gets worse: "ask yourself (of your regrets) what really might have happened had you done things differently:

What experiences might you have missed out on? What people might you not have known? What opportunities might not have come your way? Who might have been hurt? How much love might you have lost or never found? What incidents, illnesses, or other tragedies might have ensued? What job opportunities might not have come your way? What life lessons might you not have learned?

Let yourself imagine the worst, chances are those scenarios are no more unrealistic than the gratifying fantasies that fuel your regrets. Can you accept that in many cases your life might not have been appreciably better if you had done things differently, and in some ways might even have been worse?"

Clearly this advice is not aimed at someone in prison because of their mistakes, having lost everything. Yet I do acknowledge that the ultimate consequences are yet to be revealed, though with probation and lifetime registration, the future ain't really all that bright.

Nonetheless resilience and purpose are necessary for survival. I'll keep at the work.

The New Year Rants Trilogy

Part I - Asinine Antics

Happy Freakin' New Year

As a new calendar year rolls in, I have the auspicious omen of being on lockdown. Well, at least that excuses me of my resolution to do more running, at least for now. So I figured that I'd spend at least part of the day writing about some of the inane practices and policies of the Arizona Dept of Corrections (ADC).

Recently, the head honcho and big cheese, the "state warden" took a tour of our facility. It seems that he was both astonished and outraged at the amount of "stuff" that we inmates possessed. Apparently he was upset with us about they're being the possessions of two humans crammed into a space originally designed for one. Shame on us.

So as an extremely relevant, appropriate, and logical response to our wicked behavior, the ADC created an initiative that restricts the number of religious books we may possess and notified us of the enforcement of the already existing policy of four boxes per inmate.

OK, so each inmate has the theoretical limit of 10 personal books, excluding books of a religious nature, which was essentially unlimited. It might have had something to do with that bill of rights thingy in the constitution.

Anyway, the new initiative essentially includes religious books in the limit of 10. So where does one begin to question the logic of such a move? On a practical level, I know of very few inmates to actually have the full four boxes allowed. I have only two. And there are no limits to the number of packages of refried beans or any number of food items that we may possess, so this makes very little sense as a "space saving" measure.

Then of course there is the "rehabilitative" aspect of such a policy. As already mentioned, there are few efforts or resources directed toward any growth, recovery or rehabilitation of the inmates in this system. The term "correctional" facility is a misnomer. Any real growth must come from personal, internal measures and religion is a path chosen by many as a way to find peace. So, let's limit the opportunities and resources for using that as a tool, even if it does not even cost money to the system.

I myself currently has seven books on Buddhism and yoga, add a thesaurus and a few reference books for the novel I'm working on and I cannot receive any more books. This obviously will make me a better and more responsible human when I finally get out.

This brings me to a second, and related oddity. I currently have two books in "property" that are considered "contraband" as they came (from Amazon) without receipts. This happens with incredible frequency to the point where it seems that Amazon sends a full third of their shipments without receipts. If or when the receipts are mailed to us by the person who ordered the material, we can and then pick them up. If that is, they are from Amazon "proper" and not a third party vendor through Amazon marketplace, in which case we can send them back, or to someone else ( at our own expense), or donate them to our library where we can check them out if they are available.

Of course, there is no record of who actually sends the gifts, so I must play detective by mail to discover the benevolent soul who sent the gifts and then ask them to deal with more hassles. Ironically the two contraband books are both of the spiritual and "self help" nature. "God" forbid I get a hold of such destructive literature.

Part II: Visitation Vagaries

My children pulled a surprise visit on me just the other day, which was of course wonderful, as always. There were also a couple of examples of ludicrous policy that occurred during the visit.

First, I was finally able to get the "Veterans Day" photos that had been ordered more than two months ago. I tried on previous occasions to get the photos taken which are theoretically done to allow us to send them as holiday gifts. The first time I tried, I was told by the officer in charge that the digital camera was out of film. I swear I'm not making this up. The next time it was "too busy" in visitation.

So, this time the camera had "film", and I went to lift up my kids so they'd be roughly at head level with me. Apparently, that is not allowed. Then for the third and final picture --I paid for three, never mind that I expected that meant three copies of the same pose -- we decided to make silly faces. Apparently, that's not allowed. So my son tried to give me a bunny ears. Yep, you guessed it, apparently that's not allowed.

I've spent a good deal of brainpower puzzling over the rationality behind this one. One possible reason might be related to why we must remain clean shaven at all times - to match the appearance on our photo IDs. (Though our hair length has no such restrictions.) So if I were to escape, and someone might see me, they'd look at the picture from visitation (yeah right) and say, "well, that does look like the guy I seen, 'cept he didn't have no bunny ears so it couldna been him."

Or perhaps it might be considered a sign of irreverence or disrespect to all our powerful ADC overlords. It all seems rather nonsensical and mysterious.

The other incident during visitation with the kids occurred after they had decided to make a giant face in the dirt in the outdoors area of visitation. This is something we frequently do when they visit, I'm not sure why, but they like it and that's all that matters to me.

Anyway, this time they decided to fill in some of the facial features with the pebbles that are piled along the perimeter. There are signs posted to remain 2 feet from defense, which are generally ignored by all, including the kids as they gathered pebbles. Eventually, the visitation officer came out and asked us not to do that anymore as he didn't want to get in trouble. OK, fair enough. But then he asked us to return the pebbles to where they came from, which meant going back into the "forbidden danger zone". Perhaps there should be an investigation into the "guiding philosophical nature of the ADC". Descartes, Aristotle, and Socrates combined could not make sense of it all.

Part III: Medical Mayhem

The last of my rants for the day and is far less amusing, and really quite tragic. It has to do with the incredible lack of care, concern, nd common sense of the Medical System of the ADC.

As previously mentioned, at present there is a class action suit against the state for failure to provide basic, adequate medical care. I could fill an entire book with stories that I've heard, but I'll limit myself to a few scenarios that I have experience with myself, so I know them to be factual.

Since the lawsuit's genesis, the ADC has "farmed out" its Health Care to a private company called Wexford. I suspect that decision is related to the lawsuit, but I really don't know for certain. Anyway, the incredible result is even worse access to basic, adequate health care.

Within the class action suit are several instances of dental malpractice. I have recently been experiencing a toothache and decided to go to dental, to see what they said. I submitted a Health Needs Request (HNR), and amazingly received a pass to the dentist within a week. I had to take a day off of work only to have the dentist not show up and all appointments canceled. A week later, I got another appointment. The dentist looked in my mouth and banged on a tooth with a sharp pointed solid steel implement of destruction and asked if it hurt. "Well, yes, it does," I replied. He informed me that that it needed to be pulled. I suggested perhaps a filling instead. "No, no, it's too deep for that, on the outside you could get a root canal, but we don't do that here." Now I've never heard of dentists making such a prognosis with a 2 minute peek and a rap on a tooth. I said I'd like to consider my options, not relishing having a tooth ripped out of my jaw. "That's fine," he said and made me sign a "refusal of treatment" form, effectively relieving him of any and all responsibilities or consequences.

Another all too common scenario that seems to be escalating in frequency is a sudden and inexplicable cessation of medications. I receive meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and an antidepressant. Last month, the cholesterol meds were not refilled. A new policy in place since Wexford took over is that we cannot talk to the medical staff about any medical issues, we must submit an HNR. So, after two weeks of no word on my meds, I sent an HNR requesting either a refill or an explanation as to why they were discontinued. The letter came back with a nurse's initials, I assume to confirm it had been received. But there was no explanation, plan, or even a comment on the content of the letter.

In speaking with other inmates, this too seems to be fairly common. One good friend has had his heart meds stopped for two months, he has sent three HNRs and has not gotten a reply to any of them. Others have shared such tales, and even more ludicrous ones, of doctors blatently refusing to see patients with legitimate health concerns. Blood tests are frequently given, but the results are never shared, nor are any problems in the lab work actually acted upon. The staff seems to go to extremes to avoid actually addressing concerns. It seems that Wexford offers more training on avoidance than on medical treatment.

As the number of inmates and the sentences of incarceration continue to increase, the logical place to cut costs is by neglecting basic medical care. After all, we are nothing but a bunch of monsters, whose lives are of little concern or value to society as a whole. Refraining from medical treatment is a cheap and easy way to make room for the next batch of prisoners. Though it would be even more efficient and quicker to just put us in a gas chamber. There's a policy that would make some sense.