Negative Lessons

I have made mistakes in my life, everyone has, and I've done things, said things, and have carried myself in ways I am not proud of. On the whole, however, I believe that I have lived an ethical, noble, and generous life. I have always tried to treat my fellow human beings with kindness, love, and respect. This whole prison experience has truly challenged and shaken many of the beliefs that I hold to be honorable. The characteristics that society extols as righteous, and that we try to convey to our children, are not only absent from the whole judicial journey but are often discouraged in favor of lesser quality. I hope to illustrate some examples through this essay.

Honesty is a trait I have always revered. I have attempted to practice and model it throughout my life. Honesty has been discouraged and punished throughout the duration of this experience. It started when the letters of honesty, admission, explanation, an apology sent to Jess were turned over to the police as evidence against me.

The very first thing that all the attorneys I spoke with said was "say nothing to no one." This notion was further reinforced when my therapist phoned police regarding issues that had been discussed in complete confidence (or so I was led to believe). Had I lied, or kept silent from the outset, things would have been different.

The "prison culture" also discourages honesty to the point where correctional officers are told that everything inmates say is a lie. This is certainly a gross exaggeration, but it's not without some merit.

Communication, I've always believed, is an essential component of conflict resolution. Virtually all attempts at dialogue with my ex fiancée have been met with silence. Even when communication was present, Jess' content was short on substance and full of false hope. 

This policy of non communication is reaffirmed in prison, the courts, and in county jail. "Do not discuss your charges", "show no weakness", "shown no vulnerability", and other similar ideas are reinforced in words and actions. I've even discovered that efforts to manage my anxiety through medication and counseling (for the few months it was available) have increased my "risk score" in the prison classification system.

Perhaps the greatest revelation is the inherent injustice of the justice system as a whole. Justice is not blind, it is led by politics, economics, and personal ambition. "Innocent until proven guilty" is rhetoric fed to schoolchildren with little relationship to the way things are. I once imagined a judge to be a wise and unbiased pillar of society, carefully examining evidence and weighing the claims of the opposing parties. In truth, the prosecution really controls the proceedings. Plea bargains are coerced by threatening absurd sentences - (in my case 100 to 300 years!) And this results in a forfeiture of many of one's constitutional rights to due process of law.

I was flabbergasted to learn recently that the role of the prosecutor, according to the Arizona Supreme Court, is to seek the ends of justice, to refrain from bias, exaggeration, and sensationalism. The reality is to secure a conviction, but any and all means necessary, as quickly and extremely as possible.

The "negative affirmations" of prison itself are every bit as devastating to the soul and spirit of a convict, and ultimately to society itself. The idea that we are "pieces of shit" is repeatedly conveyed by the attitudes of staff and through the media. That we all have positive qualities and a capacity for success is not a message conveyed by the system. It is systematically hammered out of us through unfair treatment, irrational and capricious policies, and a lack of courtesy and respect.

The prison culture, unfortunately, is no better. The ideas of racism and segregation are among the first lessons that are conveyed. "This is the white area of the dining hall," "that is the black ramada", "be ready to stand up with your race if any kind of trouble develops" are some of the messages given. Even in signing up for a volleyball tournament, there is a section for race on the signup sheet.

By and large, to secure a position of authority within the prison society, it is done through physical intimidation, fear, and threat. Violence is the first and often the only way to settle disputes. The white "heads of the yard" have their own table in the chow hall, further alienating and illustrating their "status". I suppose this is not so entirely different from our elected officials, but that does little to foster trust or any sense of involvement in one's community.

The policies of incentive are woefully counterproductive. The idea of "time off for good behavior" is really an ancient relic. Parole is not even available for those sentence after 1996 (the system was abolished then). One can seek a commutation of sentence, but in spite of a number of positive recommendations by the clemency board, the governor has steadfastly refused to grant these reprieves.

Arizona does offer an 85% "good time release" to many prisoners, depending on the sentence. However, this is pretty much guaranteed and offers little incentive in terms of behavior. It's true that it can be denied for extremely disruptive conduct, but it's pretty much a given for most who have it available.

The "earned incentive program" of the DOC policy is similarly weak in offering real incentive. The perks for good behavior are increased pay, more phone calls per day, more visits per week, and higher limits on store spending. That sounds pretty good, but the difference in pay from save 25¢ to maybe 45¢ per hour does not nearly allow for additional phone calls or additional "store" limits. Many in here do not have much of a support network outside these fences, due in part to many of the policies inherent in the system, so more calls, more visits, or higher store limits are meaningless. Even at the highest pay rate, we don't make enough for the minimum spending limit. Even with family members who are supportive and visit, I have never used up all of my weekly visits; and phone calls are financially too prohibitive to make more than a couple times a month - less than that if the inmate has to pay from their wages.

There is no perceived value to showing initiative and responsibility through prison jobs. The pay is better than nothing, but only slightly, and there are other factors that discourage such efforts at productivity. I, myself, work on another yard, as the inmates at that yard are in maximum lockdown. Because of this, I get to wait hours and hours each week for the inconsistent bus to arrive both to and from the other yard. I have limited opportunities for library hours on my own yard. (In one 6 week period, we had library time twice.) I receive smaller rations of food, because the "lock down" inmates are deemed to require fewer calories as they have no physical exertion. The occasional "treats" that are available on my yard (such as cinnamon rolls and ice cream sandwiches) are not available to workers on the lockdown unit. There is no additional compensation for these workers, so many inmates will not do these jobs. I put up with these inconveniences because I like my job and my boss, but that only goes so far.

Taking initiative and attempting to suggest improvements to the system tends to be met with bitter opposition and can result in being labeled as an instigator or troublemaker. Life can be made even worse than it is already, encouraging us to remain passive and keep under the radar, rather than being proactive, creative, or taking initiative.

Attempts to seek any relief through the courts are met with similar resistance and obstacles. Access to legal resources is woefully incomplete, inadequate, and limited for those who have no means for legal representation.

The court system is a maze of hoops and procedures such that even educated inmates have little chance of navigating it successfully. And the truth is not nearly as relevant as procedure. An attorney once said to me that "I don't know of any cases where a decision was reconsidered because of the facts, only because of errors of procedure".

My most recent appeal was denied, as expected, but contained the most wonderful piece of legal speak I have read thus far: "...in this case, a reasonable probability is less than more likely than not, but more than a mere possibility." Apparently my assertions did not satisfy this crystal clear standard. In my case, the state filed the reply several days late with no repercussions, but a friend just had his petition dismissed when, although it was mailed prior to the deadline, it arrived afterwards.

All of these scenarios fan the flames of resentment, injustice, and futility that an incarcerated inmate is trying to overcome.

A whole other host of "negative messages" comes with the societal reactions to the scenario that prisoners find themselves in. We teach our kids that we all make mistakes, that we learn from them and become better human beings. Yet people who have committed offenses of a sexual nature seen excluded from this maxim. Lifetime probation and lifetime registration, with severe restrictions on residency, employment, and social interactions and are given in virtually all cases, regardless of the nature of the offense. We made mistakes, in most cases we acknowledged them and learned from them, so why destroy our lives forever with little opportunity for truly making amends?

My understanding of friendship and my faith in humanity have been challenged and tested from this experience. Many of those whom I considered to be true good friends have abandoned me completely. Others, who I might not have expected, have risen up to provide support and encouragement. Most people, it seems, do not really want to hear about a reality that might negate their preconceived notions about how things are. I suppose that's not surprising, but what is surprising is when it happens from people that you love and care for, from those you thought would believe you and offer support.

My "once best friend" provides an illustration of this. After the tragic incident, he suspended any and all communication for several months (perhaps at his sister's request). He agreed to communicate on the day before I was to turn myself into the police. I had hoped for some insight as to why and how his sister had chosen such a destructive and disruptive approach to the situation. His response was, "what else could she have done?".

Personally, I can think of many options that might have been more effective, productive, humane, and efficient, but it was clear to me that my "friend" had little desire to hear about that. He also asked me to leave Jess alone, completely. I know he was being a supportive little brother, which is higher priority than a friend, but it was also clear that he did not want to understand my reality, the love I have for his sister, or the love of a father for his child. I had hoped for an affirmation from a friend, that I was not a piece of shit or an evil monster. That affirmation never came, from him or from many others who I thought might believe in me.

And therein lies the real horror; that all of these "negative affirmations" feed us, that we might buy into them and believe them, that we might doubt ourselves and the qualities that we thought we'd possessed; that growth and improvement are futile, or even worse, impossible. That our hearts, our souls, and our humanity are without value, and are being chipped away a little bit every day.

I hope that I might have that faith in myself, and the strength to overcome these obstacles to development, but they are many, they are strong, and they seem never ending. Is it any wonder that our correctional institutions are having little success an affecting any positive outcomes?

 

Part One:  Intention and Perspective

                I got fired from my job the other day.  I gave one of the maximum security inmates a hit from my cigarette through the cage he was in.  Tobacco is contraband for these inmates, though not for us, so I was "furnishing contraband to an inmate," which is considered a major offense.  What I see as a random act of kindness, is seen by an administration as a conspiracy to incite subversive behavior.  It's all in one's perspective I suppose.

                So I later spoke to the officer in charge of employment, to see about getting another job, but she was less than sympathetic.  "What were you thinking?" ere her exact words.

                Indeed, what was I thinking.  Well, in retrospect the rapid succession of thought that I had at that very moment was something along the lines of this:

                He asked me if I had an extra smoke.  I was cautious, even a bit frightened at first, and said I did not (which was untrue).  He might very well be a murderer, child molester, or some equally heinous type of thug.  Then, he asked if he could have a hit from mine.

                Then I thought, he's another inmate, like me.  He made some poor choices, some mistakes, much like myself.  Perhaps there were extenuating circumstances that nobody believed or even acknowledged.  He may have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, as happens to everyone at one time or another.

                Then I thought how he, as a maximum security inmate, was one of the few people on this planet who had it worse than me.  Nearly 24/7 lockdown, no windows, no natural light, less respect from the officers then even on my yard and far fewer "goodies" than the few we are allowed.

                Then I realized that I was still applying labels.  I was caught up in the same mindset of so many others.  Quite simply, he was a fellow human being, imperfect as we all are, and as such, why not give the guy a drag.  So I passed it through the cage, he took an appreciative drag, it in handed it back and said "thanks".

                The yard captain came around the corner at that very moment and shouted at me not to bother coming back to work tomorrow.  So I have an unexpected "hiatus".  I'm sad I lost my job, as I liked it.  I'm not sad to avoid the multiple strip searches every day and the hours of waiting each week.  I can't, however, regret the piece of my humanity, the compassion, and empathy that led to my "transgression".

                Back to the idea of perspective.  In reality, this truly was a random act of kindness while simultaneously being a subversive and inappropriate action.  It all depends on how you choose to view it.  This illustrates one of the inherent and fundamental problems in the legal system.  In prison, we are discouraged from kindness and compassion by both the institution as well as prevailing prison culture.  And these "opposing" forces are in continued conflict that spirals ever downward.

                In the court system, the emphasis is only on the mistakes that people made, oftentimes dangerous, destructive, and even psychotic, yet they are only a part of our humanity and do not define us completely.  In truth, most are foolish lapses of judgment, often created by adversity, struggle, and ignorance.  Addiction, poverty, lack of education, lack of guidance, and desperation are undoubtedly the leading influences to criminal behavior.  Yet we treat the symptom rather than the cause.

                Then there's the media, which continually sensationalizes the "horror" and tends to skimp on the full story, which perpetuates a climate of fear, segregation, and alienation of the "criminal element" of society.

                I realize that people need security and protection, though I sometimes wonder who we need protection from.  As I gaze down on the run around me, it doesn't seem to be these people.  Is it the guy with whom I shared a cigarette?  I don't know, I don't know him, I couldn't really even see his face well through the cage.  I do know that after I was admonished by the captain, he shouted out to me "Hey man, I'm sorry about that, that was my bad". But it wasn't his bad, it was my good, and I will continue to hold that thought in spite of the attempts to wear down my humanity.

               

Part Two: Humane Solutions

                It was brought to my attention that while I often point out the flaws and foibles of the legal system, I rarely offer up a solution.  Yeah, I know; bitching about things is easy and it's a very complex situation which has a direct causality to the safety and security of society as a whole.  So I realize the gravity of this issue.

                I will present some possible suggestions that could improve the system.  I am not a policymaker, nor do I understand the complexities of budget manipulation.  Though, generally speaking, these ideas would probably save millions in tax dollars in the long run.

                First, I look at the state penitentiary system.  Quite simply, one idea is to replace the prevailing culture of dehumanization and suspicion to one of mutual respect and true rehabilitation. The training of correctional officers could be expanded to include such phrases as "please" and "thank you" when "ordering" us about.  An officer once told me, and I swear I'm not making this up, that in training they are taught to assume that anything an inmate says is a lie.  This is not a path to respect, correction, or rehabilitation. The inmates should also be instructed on the values of mutual respect and politeness.  While there will always be those, on both sides, that will be hard to get through to, most people will be respectful and accommodating when they are treated with respect.  It should be the rule rather than the exception - from both groups. And it must start with administration, as they should set the example.

                Real therapy, counseling, and support groups are absolutely a necessity to rehabilitation.  There are many intelligent, specialized, and even professional inmates in the system that much of this could be done by inmates, especially with incentive programs.  And as a culture of mutual respect develops, it would become easier to establish such programs.

                Also, an encouragement of education and exploration in the arts seems to be essential to healing, growing and above all creating self respect.  Art, music, drama, sculpture, and so on should not be discouraged or prohibited, but should be offered, encouraged, and taught.  Again, much of this could be done by inmates themselves.  There are extremely limited opportunities offered here at present along those lines.  Resources could come, at least in part, from inmates and scholarships and grants could also supplement this.  Perhaps partnerships with arts councils or other organizations could be established and they could identify potential talents and even recoup these investments by selling or saving the work.  Some states have similar arrangements.  A sense of purpose and self worth is absolutely essential to meaningful rehabilitation.

                As far as the court system goes, it seems that GPS and monitoring could be better utilized in the many situations where a perpetrator has no history of violence, like first time offenders, if there is no victim, no aggression and/or no predation.  It seems this would be far cheaper than paying for food, shelter, clothing and Medical Care for thousands and thousands of individuals.  This would greatly relieve the financial burden of those left behind, assuming the convict can secure employment though a shift in societal perspective seems necessary to have success in this area.

                Admittedly, the trick is effective and objective measures toward potential danger, but as I mentioned in previous posts, I went through an extensive psychological evaluation that was pretty much ignored. Judges could be far more creative in assigning sentences that truly address the issues of the defendant, like mandatory social work, volunteerism, court ordered treatment, and restitution toward victims both financial, and if applicable, in other ways as well.  Many in here have court ordered restitution, but this has little meaning when you are incarcerated for years, and if you're able to work, you make 35¢ per hour.

                Perhaps felonious co-ops might have a place in this brave new world of real and effective justice.  It doesn't seem impossible.  I'm not suggesting the expectation that felons around the country will suddenly all join hands and start singing "Kumbaya".  I'm saying there are better ways to deal with crime and criminals.

                This country has a significantly higher percentage of our population behind bars and any other in the world.  In fact, I read that the number of incarcerated Americans exceeds that of all other countries combined!  Why is this so?  Are we more immoral?  More criminally inclined?  I doubt it.  What are other countries or other states doing that are working?  These are things to explore.  Is there a Justice Committee in the House or in the Senate?  If so, what do they do?  If not, why not?

                Finally, how do you change the mindset of the entire country's preconceived notions of crime and criminals?  The media has much to do with this.  How do you curtail their sensationalism and fear mongering without limiting freedom of speech?  What about more balanced reporting?  What about prohibiting media coverage until after a case is decided?  After all, isn't everything before that conjecture?  Innocent until proven guilty has little credit in the news reporting, and does that not influence the supposed impartiality of the justice system?  It has been repeatedly suggested to me that I got more time than most in here, with similar charges, because I was a teacher and because there was media coverage.  How is that an impartial justice based on equality?

                Perhaps the media could give equal treatment to the causes of subversive behavior rather than sensationalizing the threats they pose.  Nowhere is this more evident than the exaggeration of "sex offenders".  Are there really more child abductors, kidnappers, and child molesters lurking behind every bush now then there were 20, 30, or 40 years ago?  When I grew up, this was not really a concern.  Is society that different now, or have we been programmed to believe so?  Does the influence of media actually encourage such deviance, creating self-fulfilling prophecies?  Or if we really are so different now, why is that so?  This is the real story.

                Again, perhaps looking at media and news in other countries might give us insight.  It seems in most other nations, news is more about news without the hype, conjecture, and melodrama. These are but a few ideas toward a newer and more effective way of dealing with crime in society.  As always, I welcome any suggestions, criticism, feedback, or additional ideas that you may have.  Perhaps an improvement is really possible.

Power Of The Prosecutor

This essay was commissioned by a friend, who shared with me an article from Huffington Post.  The article deals with the incredible power that prosecutors have in today's justice system.  This article does not address the situation in context to sex offenses, which correspond to the claims of the author perhaps even more glaringly than his own assertions.  The full article can be found at www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/16/the-power-of-the-prosecutor.

As I have mentioned in other essays, the prosecutors in the legal system have an inordinate amount of power and very few checks as to the abuse and manipulation of that power. The author, Radly Balko, addresses some of these and I'd like to illustrate how they fit into sex offense cases.

"There are too many laws... It is nearly impossible for layperson to keep track of all the laws that are created and modified in any given year."  The civil libertarian and defense Atty. Harvey Silvergate has argued that most Americans know unknowingly commit about three felonies per day." This is obviously a frightening statistic, and in the case of "sex crimes" they are added and modified continuously.

For example, ARS13-3553. the statute under which I was convicted, does not have any exceptions for exemptions built into it.  This means that my ex fiancée who viewed and transported the images in question to the police as well as the police, and the justice system personnel that exhibited these images, are guilty of the same crime than I am.  The power or willingness to enforce or prosecute this law seems to be an arbitrary decision based on the whims of law enforcement and justice system personnel.  I do not wish to imply that Jess, or the police should be charged, but the fact is that they could be and have violated the statute for which I am serving time.

Prosecutors are also protected by immunity that "shields them from liability, no matter how egregious their mistakes." How does this provide a truly objective system?  In Arizona at least, a judge will nearly always rely on the prosecution's case without any investigation to the claims.  Defense attorneys, especially public defenders, will not bother to investigate either, leaving the prosecutor free to embellish, manipulate, and even break the rules of the justice system.

As Balko states, "the prosecutor's job is no longer about enforcing the laws, but about choosing which laws to enforce."

"The laws are vaguely and broadly written."  This is evidenced by the previous scenario regarding ARS13-3553.  Also, the law includes: recording, filming, photographing, duplicating, developing, distributing, transporting, exhibiting, receiving, selling, purchasing, electronically transmitting, possessing, or exchanging in any visual depiction in which a minor is engaged in exploitive exhibition or other sexual conduct." In other words viewing an image is viewed with the same severity as actually taking pictures with intent to distribute.  The question of intent is completely absent from the equation.

In fact, in Arizona, a conviction for child molestation only requires proof of "knowingly and intentionally touching the genitals [of a child]." This may appear straightforward, but the state need not prove sexual intent or motivation.  Yet without sexual intent, the innocent actions perform daily by doctors, parents, child care workers, and others become repugnant actions of the predator needing to be punished.  Is not the annual "hernia check" performed in our school days the "intentional touching of the genitals"?  Dr. and gynecological visits, parental medical administrations, and a number of other acts are not exempt by this definition.  I know of at least one inmate serving a life sentence for an innocent actions such as this.  A life sentence with no need to question whether this contact was sexually motivated.

It is also well known that by and large, for prosecutors the justice system is a numbers game.  Elections, promotions, and appointments are based on racking up high numbers of conditions.  There is really no praise or incentive for declining to prosecute in the interests of justice.  I'm sure there are prosecutors, and defense lawyers who are guided by ethical standards, but politics often takes a greater role in the system.

Plea bargains, which were intended to reduce the burdens placed on the horrendously overstretched court system, are seen by some as a tool that lets guilty people off with lighter punishment than they deserve.  In reality however, they are being used as a tool of manipulation by the prosecution.  Multiple charges are often stacked, creating a terrifying prospect to defendants to take a plea.  In my situation I was looking at 100 - 300 years if I'd been found guilty on all charges, for possessing pictures that I had downloaded unseen, many of which had long been deleted.  I'm not defending my acts, but life in prison for this seems kind of extreme.  So I took a plea, not realizing the degree to which I was forfeiting my rights of due process in terms of seeking post conviction relief.  This type of scenario is by far the norm of this yard.  I know of several inmates who claim to be innocent, that took a plea of guilt because the implications of a wrongful conviction were too staggering to comprehend.

The Post article refers to "bringing the hammer down" as a method of intimidation and a showing of brute force.  I, thankfully, was spared the humiliation of SWAT teams busting into my home "guns a-blazin' " but many of my fellow inmates were not.  Most of these "dangerous felons" are rather meek and "nerdy" computer geeks - who might have relied on computer "fantasy" to compensate for an insecurity in human relations.  Yet teams of gun toting law enforcers would burst into their homes and drag them out and cuffs.  I mean, really?  Is this truly necessary or productive in any way to them, the families, or even to taxpayer dollars?  It's a display of might.

We also saw how post 9/11 a whole host of laws were enacted to protect ourselves from the tyranny of terrorism.  Yet again many of these laws could be used to limit our own rights to free speech and are vague and controversial.  Computer monitoring has resulted in a huge spike in convictions of internet-related sex crimes.  Again, not to condone these activities, but is that the intention of these restrictions to privacy?

The notion that "criminality is influenced by politics" is at its most evident in the sensationalism of prosecuting sex crimes.  How often is "tonight's top story" about illegal porn,  allegations of inappropriate behavior, or some kind of sex scandal?  It's a great strategy to rally and stir up the population at large, but the long-term effects on individuals, their families, and society as a whole is both underplayed an overlooked.  Very few of the monstrous and villainous sex offenders with whom I am incarcerated are truly a danger to society at large, and I imagine the same is true in the general population as well, but the prosecutors of this nation are not interested in such triviality.