Negative Lessons

I have made mistakes in my life, everyone has, and I've done things, said things, and have carried myself in ways I am not proud of. On the whole, however, I believe that I have lived an ethical, noble, and generous life. I have always tried to treat my fellow human beings with kindness, love, and respect. This whole prison experience has truly challenged and shaken many of the beliefs that I hold to be honorable. The characteristics that society extols as righteous, and that we try to convey to our children, are not only absent from the whole judicial journey but are often discouraged in favor of lesser quality. I hope to illustrate some examples through this essay.

Honesty is a trait I have always revered. I have attempted to practice and model it throughout my life. Honesty has been discouraged and punished throughout the duration of this experience. It started when the letters of honesty, admission, explanation, an apology sent to Jess were turned over to the police as evidence against me.

The very first thing that all the attorneys I spoke with said was "say nothing to no one." This notion was further reinforced when my therapist phoned police regarding issues that had been discussed in complete confidence (or so I was led to believe). Had I lied, or kept silent from the outset, things would have been different.

The "prison culture" also discourages honesty to the point where correctional officers are told that everything inmates say is a lie. This is certainly a gross exaggeration, but it's not without some merit.

Communication, I've always believed, is an essential component of conflict resolution. Virtually all attempts at dialogue with my ex fiancée have been met with silence. Even when communication was present, Jess' content was short on substance and full of false hope. 

This policy of non communication is reaffirmed in prison, the courts, and in county jail. "Do not discuss your charges", "show no weakness", "shown no vulnerability", and other similar ideas are reinforced in words and actions. I've even discovered that efforts to manage my anxiety through medication and counseling (for the few months it was available) have increased my "risk score" in the prison classification system.

Perhaps the greatest revelation is the inherent injustice of the justice system as a whole. Justice is not blind, it is led by politics, economics, and personal ambition. "Innocent until proven guilty" is rhetoric fed to schoolchildren with little relationship to the way things are. I once imagined a judge to be a wise and unbiased pillar of society, carefully examining evidence and weighing the claims of the opposing parties. In truth, the prosecution really controls the proceedings. Plea bargains are coerced by threatening absurd sentences - (in my case 100 to 300 years!) And this results in a forfeiture of many of one's constitutional rights to due process of law.

I was flabbergasted to learn recently that the role of the prosecutor, according to the Arizona Supreme Court, is to seek the ends of justice, to refrain from bias, exaggeration, and sensationalism. The reality is to secure a conviction, but any and all means necessary, as quickly and extremely as possible.

The "negative affirmations" of prison itself are every bit as devastating to the soul and spirit of a convict, and ultimately to society itself. The idea that we are "pieces of shit" is repeatedly conveyed by the attitudes of staff and through the media. That we all have positive qualities and a capacity for success is not a message conveyed by the system. It is systematically hammered out of us through unfair treatment, irrational and capricious policies, and a lack of courtesy and respect.

The prison culture, unfortunately, is no better. The ideas of racism and segregation are among the first lessons that are conveyed. "This is the white area of the dining hall," "that is the black ramada", "be ready to stand up with your race if any kind of trouble develops" are some of the messages given. Even in signing up for a volleyball tournament, there is a section for race on the signup sheet.

By and large, to secure a position of authority within the prison society, it is done through physical intimidation, fear, and threat. Violence is the first and often the only way to settle disputes. The white "heads of the yard" have their own table in the chow hall, further alienating and illustrating their "status". I suppose this is not so entirely different from our elected officials, but that does little to foster trust or any sense of involvement in one's community.

The policies of incentive are woefully counterproductive. The idea of "time off for good behavior" is really an ancient relic. Parole is not even available for those sentence after 1996 (the system was abolished then). One can seek a commutation of sentence, but in spite of a number of positive recommendations by the clemency board, the governor has steadfastly refused to grant these reprieves.

Arizona does offer an 85% "good time release" to many prisoners, depending on the sentence. However, this is pretty much guaranteed and offers little incentive in terms of behavior. It's true that it can be denied for extremely disruptive conduct, but it's pretty much a given for most who have it available.

The "earned incentive program" of the DOC policy is similarly weak in offering real incentive. The perks for good behavior are increased pay, more phone calls per day, more visits per week, and higher limits on store spending. That sounds pretty good, but the difference in pay from save 25¢ to maybe 45¢ per hour does not nearly allow for additional phone calls or additional "store" limits. Many in here do not have much of a support network outside these fences, due in part to many of the policies inherent in the system, so more calls, more visits, or higher store limits are meaningless. Even at the highest pay rate, we don't make enough for the minimum spending limit. Even with family members who are supportive and visit, I have never used up all of my weekly visits; and phone calls are financially too prohibitive to make more than a couple times a month - less than that if the inmate has to pay from their wages.

There is no perceived value to showing initiative and responsibility through prison jobs. The pay is better than nothing, but only slightly, and there are other factors that discourage such efforts at productivity. I, myself, work on another yard, as the inmates at that yard are in maximum lockdown. Because of this, I get to wait hours and hours each week for the inconsistent bus to arrive both to and from the other yard. I have limited opportunities for library hours on my own yard. (In one 6 week period, we had library time twice.) I receive smaller rations of food, because the "lock down" inmates are deemed to require fewer calories as they have no physical exertion. The occasional "treats" that are available on my yard (such as cinnamon rolls and ice cream sandwiches) are not available to workers on the lockdown unit. There is no additional compensation for these workers, so many inmates will not do these jobs. I put up with these inconveniences because I like my job and my boss, but that only goes so far.

Taking initiative and attempting to suggest improvements to the system tends to be met with bitter opposition and can result in being labeled as an instigator or troublemaker. Life can be made even worse than it is already, encouraging us to remain passive and keep under the radar, rather than being proactive, creative, or taking initiative.

Attempts to seek any relief through the courts are met with similar resistance and obstacles. Access to legal resources is woefully incomplete, inadequate, and limited for those who have no means for legal representation.

The court system is a maze of hoops and procedures such that even educated inmates have little chance of navigating it successfully. And the truth is not nearly as relevant as procedure. An attorney once said to me that "I don't know of any cases where a decision was reconsidered because of the facts, only because of errors of procedure".

My most recent appeal was denied, as expected, but contained the most wonderful piece of legal speak I have read thus far: "...in this case, a reasonable probability is less than more likely than not, but more than a mere possibility." Apparently my assertions did not satisfy this crystal clear standard. In my case, the state filed the reply several days late with no repercussions, but a friend just had his petition dismissed when, although it was mailed prior to the deadline, it arrived afterwards.

All of these scenarios fan the flames of resentment, injustice, and futility that an incarcerated inmate is trying to overcome.

A whole other host of "negative messages" comes with the societal reactions to the scenario that prisoners find themselves in. We teach our kids that we all make mistakes, that we learn from them and become better human beings. Yet people who have committed offenses of a sexual nature seen excluded from this maxim. Lifetime probation and lifetime registration, with severe restrictions on residency, employment, and social interactions and are given in virtually all cases, regardless of the nature of the offense. We made mistakes, in most cases we acknowledged them and learned from them, so why destroy our lives forever with little opportunity for truly making amends?

My understanding of friendship and my faith in humanity have been challenged and tested from this experience. Many of those whom I considered to be true good friends have abandoned me completely. Others, who I might not have expected, have risen up to provide support and encouragement. Most people, it seems, do not really want to hear about a reality that might negate their preconceived notions about how things are. I suppose that's not surprising, but what is surprising is when it happens from people that you love and care for, from those you thought would believe you and offer support.

My "once best friend" provides an illustration of this. After the tragic incident, he suspended any and all communication for several months (perhaps at his sister's request). He agreed to communicate on the day before I was to turn myself into the police. I had hoped for some insight as to why and how his sister had chosen such a destructive and disruptive approach to the situation. His response was, "what else could she have done?".

Personally, I can think of many options that might have been more effective, productive, humane, and efficient, but it was clear to me that my "friend" had little desire to hear about that. He also asked me to leave Jess alone, completely. I know he was being a supportive little brother, which is higher priority than a friend, but it was also clear that he did not want to understand my reality, the love I have for his sister, or the love of a father for his child. I had hoped for an affirmation from a friend, that I was not a piece of shit or an evil monster. That affirmation never came, from him or from many others who I thought might believe in me.

And therein lies the real horror; that all of these "negative affirmations" feed us, that we might buy into them and believe them, that we might doubt ourselves and the qualities that we thought we'd possessed; that growth and improvement are futile, or even worse, impossible. That our hearts, our souls, and our humanity are without value, and are being chipped away a little bit every day.

I hope that I might have that faith in myself, and the strength to overcome these obstacles to development, but they are many, they are strong, and they seem never ending. Is it any wonder that our correctional institutions are having little success an affecting any positive outcomes?

You've probably done time in prison if...

You've probably done time in prison if...

-you carry your own toilet paper to and from the restroom, even in your own home.
-you bring plastic bags to restaurants and smuggle out food in your socks.
-you dutifully report to your bunk, err, bed, for " count time".
-you never want to see the color orange again...  Ever
-you can use a spork as a knife, a spoon, a fork, and also as a utility tool.
-you write back to "junk mail" hoping for a continued dialogue.
-a stranger in your bathroom comes as no surprise.
-you can't take a shower without some kind of shoes.
-you ask people around you, who you don't even know, if they are going to finish everything on their plate.
-you convert all monetary figures into cigarettes and ramen soups.
-you can reassemble a package of saltines, some leftover processed meat, some squeeze cheese, and other tidbits into a veritable thanksgiving feast with a single plastic bowl and a microwave.  (Which you eat with a spork).
- you always walk in the same direction around anything and on the same side.
-your too weak, two week paycheck is more than the yearly salary you once earned.
-you think Nescafe instant coffee is premium bland and makes a find cup o' joe.
-you wait to eat until you hear " turn out for chow".
-you " courtesy flush" the toilet repeatedly, regardless of where you are.
-you know how badly broken the justice system really is.

Quitting vs. Letting Go

It's been a while since I've posted anything new here.  There are a couple of reasons for that.  One is that I've had precious little feedback from this blog, so I have a tendency to think "why bother?" Then, recently, I've gotten some support and encouragement from people who actually are reading my words.  Thank you!  You know who you are.  I acknowledge that I write primarily for myself, so it shouldn't really matter if anyone reads it or not, but it does mean a lot.

The other reason is that the nature of my thoughts tends to remain on topics that have been addressed here again and again.  Well dear readers, I'm sorry to say that this will be no different, though perhaps there is a slight evolution to the nature of my thoughts and ideas, so here goes.

The pain, suffering, resentment, and betrayal that have so excessively haunted me these past 2 1/2 years have hardly abated since " the incident".  I often find myself thinking that if I could just let go, or give up, that I might make myself less bloody miserable.

Yet when such thoughts arise, I find myself reluctant to do so.  I clench up, physically and emotionally, and oftentimes tears start flowing.  What am I afraid of?  Why would any sane person cling to such painful and debilitating feelings and ideas?  Then again, can I really control these things?  This essay will attempt to address some revelations on these concepts.

I think that one primary reason I fear letting go, is that I am equating "letting go" with "giving up" or "quitting" and that's an assault to my ego and my stubbornness.  I don't want to admit to myself that I may have been horribly wrong, that the woman I fell so hopelessly in love with is perhaps not that person at all, that she does not deserve my love, and/or that maybe she is not such a wonderful human being.  I don't want to believe that, so I create tension, attachment, and denial, and my ego steps in to assert control. But perhaps I'm looking at things with the wrong perspective.  I'm realizing that giving up and letting go are, in fact, two very different processes.

Giving up could be construed as admitting defeat, allowing those negative thoughts to take control and to assert dominance.  It's conceding that all that past was a sham of deceit and treachery.  Letting go, on the other hand, is nothing of the sort.  It's an expression of claiming one's power, and that whatever the reality might be is not so clear or even important.  It just is, there's no clinging to "right" or to "wrong".  These ideas do not really exist.

Quitting is allowing negative emotions such as anger, hatred, and frustration to get the best of me, to dominate mind and soul.  Letting go is acknowledging that these emotions might arise, perhaps with frequency, but denying their power over who and what I am.  It's observing them and saying "hmmm...  That's interesting" and then moving on.

Quitting is to lose hope and give up on the notion that things could get better, that I might one day understand things, or that a resolution, of any sort, is possible.  Letting go is not so conclusive, it acknowledges that things will change, and does not concern itself with what that change might mean.

Giving up is stagnancy, immobility, single mindedness, and blindness.  There's no effort to adapt, to change in approach, or even to have an approach to one's problems.  Letting go is accepting the impermanent nature of all things and concerning oneself with the present.  As far as the future goes, things will be different and alternate approaches may or may not be appropriate.

Quitting is not caring what might happen to others, maybe even wishing ill upon them.  Letting go is hoping for the best, but realizing it's all beyond your control.

Giving up, in the case of my still unseen son, has a sense of abandonment inherent in it, a position that repulses, terrifies, and infuriates me.  Letting go however, is trusting that things may turn out OK in spite of the crappy situation that is.  That I'm here, when or if he needs me.

Giving up is black and white, right and wrong, good and bad.  It's all about winning or losing.  Letting go does not make such distinctions.  It's the middle path without labels or blame, acknowledging that things rarely conform to such cut and dry extremes.  It's about deciding to play a different game altogether.

Quitting is denying the existence of love and giving up on ever finding it.  Letting go acknowledges love, yet has no expectations from it.

The past I must take is clear, but knowing such things and living such ideas is the true challenge.  I fear that letting go requires forgiveness, and I'm not so certain that I'm there yet.  But at least I have a rudimentary map of the landscape to follow.  That's a pretty useful tool to have.

Daddy's in Prison

 Daddy's in prison - my sweet little one
He's doing OK - but it's not so much fun.

The days are so long - and really quite boring
The nights are quite loud - because of the snoring.

Your dad is in prison - he made some mistakes
He'll make it up to you - whenever it takes.

Be good - do your work - and do what you should
You know he'd be with you - if only he could.

Your dad is locked up - it's not as bad as it seems
Because you're always with him - in thoughts and in dreams.

He'd rather be with you - to play and have fun
And he certainly will - when all this is done.

Yes, daddy's in prison, but kids do not fear
He's still in your heart - year after year.

He made some mistakes - but he's not a bad man
He'll get stronger and better any way that he can.

Daddy's in jail and it seems like he's gone
But he will return so you have to stay strong.

It seems so unfair that this happened to you
But don't you lose hope - whatever you do.

Daddy's in prison - it's still not the end
He's there with you own - when you need a friend.

No matter what happens - or what people say
He loves you and thinks of you every day.

Your dad is away and sometimes that's rough
Because your time with him is never enough. 

Don't make his mistakes - don't think about crime
It's not worth what you lose for a very long time.

Your father's in prison - for you he still cares
Your pictures and stories are things that he shares.

He's so proud of you- and all you achieve
Don't give up on him - you have to believe.

Your dad is not with you - you have to be strong
Until you're in his arms - which is where you belong.

One day, he'll get out - and that day will be grand
For you and your dad will then walk hand in hand.

Non-communication and Misunderstanding

 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the events and conversations that transpired between Jess and I in Honduras, the second trip. This was a fact finding mission to discover if our relationship was real, and might have a chance to blossom into something significant.

We had true, meaningful, and in-depth communications on who we thought we were, what we wanted in life, and in a partner, and most of all what we considered to be our weaknesses, flaws, and insecurities. I see now, in hindsight, that nearly everything that transpired was revealed, albeit indirectly, in those conversations. Yet neither of us were willing, or able, to see the signs.

Jess had repeatedly commented that I seemed "perfect" - a claim that I vehemently denied. In my mind, my pornographic compulsions we're certainly among my many imperfections. I told Jess about the "schoolgirl" fetish I had, but withheld the extent and the details.

She revealed several traumatic episodes in her life that have contributed to her "suit of armor" and a fear or unwillingness to commit to a relationship. She even went so far as to ask if I was truly willing and able to take on that baggage. My naiveté reply was to "bring it on." Famous last words, so to speak, but I meant it with all my heart.

Now I realize that neither of us really understood or accepted the words of the other. Were we too caught up in the idea of love and romance to clearly see the implications of our confessions? Were we blinded by love, or the thought of love? Did we assume that we could overcome the flaws and insecurities of the other? That love could triumph over all? Probably all of the above. At least from my side that is.

I was understanding and accepting of her imperfections, though I certainly did not realize their depth and the potential outcome of those issues. I'm sure she would say the same, she obviously did not recognize the none too subtle hints I gave her as to my sexual issues and dysfunctions. I can only speculate as to her reasons for overlooking them.

Fast forward some eight months from then, when everything fell apart. We both had illustrated examples of our imperfections and destructive patterns of behavior. The consequences of that conflict were of epic proportions.

I often get stuck on the idea of choice and intention. I tend to view the consequences as a result of her choices, as a direct result of her actions. But was it not, in fact, my choice to download the material in the first place? Absolutely it was. Then, however, I also made a choice to stop. I had not downloaded anything in years, and I had committed to not looking at those images and to delete them out of respect for our relationship. That seem to matter little to Jess. Then there was never any intention to hurt Jess, or anyone for that matter, but we all know that intentions have little value. What were her intentions? I may never know.

I was working on my patterns, though it seems that she made no attempt to break her patterns of closing up and running away in spite of her promise to communicate about problems. In fact, she went a disastrous step further to involve the authorities. I'm sure that she had her reasons, I'm sure they made sense to her at that time, perhaps they still do. Perhaps the destruction to me, my family, our common son, and even to her own life situation were but a small price to her. Perhaps she saw no better ways to deal with it. Why was talking about it not an option? Was there no way to communicate, problem solve, and compromise that would not land me in prison? There are so many alternatives that seem, to me at least, far more productive and far less destructive to all parties involved.

I realize that her imperfections, the traumas of her life, and her patterns of insecurity may have veiled those options, or distorted them beyond consideration. It matters little now, though I believe that by understanding these things we might both better be able to grow and improve on our personal issues.

I do not want to imply an "I'm right, she's wrong" attitude. I know this is not the case, but I do know for certain that I was already working on overcoming my flaws. Admittedly, I did not confront them head on, as I now am doing. I was tiptoeing around them, afraid of the implications of revealing them fully. (And, obviously, that fear was very much justified.)

Is Jess learning, growing, and healing from this experience? I don't know, but I hope so. Her journey is very different from my own, with different constraints and difficulties that come with being a single parent. She likely has far less time or energy to pursue the means of self introspection that I unfortunately have the luxury of doing.

I still believe, with every fiber of my being, that we could have healed and grown so much more effectively together, than we are able to do now. But that's a futile sentiment.

What is the purpose of sharing this with you all? I'm not entirely sure. The hope that I can help prevent others from a similar fate, though it seems that the circumstances of my situation are probably rather unique. I do believe, however, that we all have a tendency to overlook things when love might be involved, and that while we might talk, we are not really communicating, and that when we listen we are not always hearing. More often than not, the consequences of this are minor, but then again, sometimes they're not.

Armageddon upon us?

Reflecting on the "apocalypse" prophecies that abounded for the end of 2012 makes me consider some things. Perhaps the Mayans were not so far off. It seems, sadly, that an Armageddon is, in fact, upon us, but not due to any external or natural forces but because of our own sick, twisted, and ego - clinging culture.

There has been much talk and debate over gun control and the treatment of mental health since the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut. Also talk of school and personal security and our basic rights.

The Secretary of the State of Arizona, the villainous Tom Horne, proposed an "armed educator" plan, whereby at least one staff member in every school would be expected, or required to be "packing heat".

As a parent, and a former teacher, I am appalled by this proposal for many reasons. First and foremost, what kind of lesson does it model for our children? As educators, we are expected to model and instill life lessons to our students, which include communication as an alternative to violence as a problem solving skills. How can we do that, in good faith, if schools themselves do not adhere to this policy?

Also, having weapons in close proximity to kids, all the time, is a recipe for disaster. What if little Johnny is really getting on Ms. Crabapple's already frayed nerves and she just loses it? Or a violent altercation starts up between kids, or groups of kids. Perhaps firing a warning shot might restore the peace!

And consider the temptation for the more mischievous students, particularly in middle or high school, if they know there is a gun around. The implications are terrifying.

What is perhaps more disturbing to me, as a human being, is that according to a poll I saw on the evening news, 83% of those who responded were in favor of such a proposal!

I agree that this shooting was horrific, and that kids deserve protection. But they deserve our best ideas, not more guns, which will only fuel the fire even further. Of course, this comes from the same state that brought us - and vehemently defends - SB 1070, a piece of legislation intended to promote fear, distrust, divisiveness, and racism. 

Arizona is rapidly becoming a police state, where reason and compassion are swept away in favor of fear mongering and mistrust. The penal system, as I have written of extensively, is but one aspect. Recently, a list of "banned books" was distributed to the state complexes. Along with books that may contain graphic erotica, included are many books on drawing (i.e., teaching yourself to draw), books on carpentry, plumbing, and electrician skills, books that criticize or give information on the prison system, books on homeopathic and natural medicine, books on the Mayans and the Aztec, books on calligraphy, and a huge array of other equally dumbfounding subjects. "A Game of Thrones", Dean Koontz "Frankenstein" (book two only), "No Country For Old Men" and "Shutter Island" which are both on TV regularly, and more than 1000 others. Not only does the department of corrections do little to assist in rehabilitation, they seem to be actively opposed to it. I can see the logic behind many of the books on the list, but 75% or more have me scratching my head.

Many inmates, disgruntled or even terrified of the state policies, have attempted to apply for interstate compacts upon release - to live with family outside of the state. All that I have spoken with have been denied. Once this penal system gets its hooks in you, it does not let go. I wonder if this happens in other states?

The Federal government also exhibits this lack of reason and compassion. The whole " fiscal cliff" debacle illustrates how politicians are removed from the wants and needs of the people. The posturing and bickering has little to do with the common good and much to do with individual agendas and reputations.

My faith in humanity is taking a huge beating as I stop and look around this crazy country. I am but one person (barely even that as a convict), and my voice is just a squeak compared to the Niagara Falls-like roar of tyranny and injustice. Can't we do better than this?

The soapbox is now yours....

Kick 'em when they're down

I wanted to share with my readers a couple of very real, very specific examples of the irrationality and some negative consequences of the current system of sex offender registration.

A good friend of mine from in here (meaning one you can talk to openly and honestly about things) was just released.  That's great!  Wonderful for him!  But the circumstances surrounding his release demonstrate the commonplace atrocities of civil liberty, justice, and dignity.

Robert was incarcerated on a nonsexual offense.  Because he had a sexual offense on his record, from many years ago, he was housed in an SO yard, for his own safety.  Because Robert's earlier offense was prior to the SO registration requirement, he was told that he would not have to register as a sex offender on release.  He arranged for a place to live, and everything was "hunky dory".

Then, about a week and a half before his release, he was informed that he would indeed have to register as a sex offender, contrary to all of the information he received and all of the agreements and contracts he had already signed.

As a sex offender, he was then ineligible for the housing that had been approved.  In Arizona, and many other states, sex offenders have limited options for "acceptable" housing.  It was too late to make any other arrangements, so he was to be released as homeless!

This meant, in spite of his low level risk level, he would have to wear an ankle monitor and stay on his "assigned" street corner for at least eight consecutive hours each night.  Leaving this area could result in parole violation and a return trip to a "correctional" facility.  He left here terrified, confused, and frustrated.

To make matters worse, Robert has several health issues, not the least of which is a tendency toward seizures.  He had no idea what, if any, resources would be available in a health emergency.  As Robert had no money, a group of inmate friends and fellow Buddhists loaded him up with supplies including granola bars, peanut butter, and other resources.  This alleviated one concern, but not several others.  I ask myself who are the bigger monsters in this scenario.

Now, I know that Robert is very unlikely to pose any threat to the community at large.  These inane practices are supposedly enforced for the protection of society.  But the big question I have is if someone were truly a threat, would you want them homeless on a street corner?  Wouldn't some kind of halfway house, with supervision, be much more logical?  An ankle monitor would do little good if someone decided to attack a passing citizen.  This is how the system protects society?

My second example is from some newspaper articles and information from the RSOL Newsletters that I get, that I recently read.  There are several private web sites " not affiliated with police" that are extorting people on the sex offender registration.  They scan police databases and then do additional research on these offenders, and then list this information on their sites.  Included are links to the social media not only of the offender but their "friends" as well as information and addresses on their family members.  Some of these "offenders" are either listed mistakenly or no longer must register with the police.  If a listed person or family member contacts the web site to be removed, they are instructed to pay $79.00 for an "investigation".  If they contact the site again (after nothing is done to remove them) they are told they must pay $499 as a removal fee.

As if these people have not already experienced enough suffering, humility, and abuse.  Again, I remind you that many sex offenders have offenses where no human has been touched at all, contrary to general perception.  There have been lawsuits against these web sites proprietors, but little has been accomplished thus far.

I share the stories with you to generate awareness of some of the realities of this whole campaign against "sex offenders" that is so prevalent in our media and culture.  I do not condone the actions of these offenders, nor my own crimes in this regard.  But society, as well as the legal system, must not only recognize that the "one size fits all" approach of condemnation and oppression does not reflect the reality of the diverse individuals or the incredible degree of differences in their transgressions, but also does nothing in addressing the causes of these crimes or assist in any meaningful rehabilitation thereof.

A new approach is needed for the overall safety of, and benefit to: society, the perpetrators, and their friends and families.