Tribute to Mom

My mother passed away on Wednesday, April 22^nd, 2015. The following essay is from a eulogy I wrote to be read at her funeral.

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               Mom was an incredibly loving, generous, selfless and giving woman.  Her greatest joy and passion in her life was her family.  She was never more alive or content than when she was surrounded by family, be it we kids, her sisters, her parents, or her grandchildren. This was when she was at her absolute all-time best.

               When her kids grew up and moved out, and after she and Dad separated, she never really fully recovered. That, combined with her recurring health issues of hepatitis C and diabetes, meant Mom really struggled for a very long time. I truly hope she has found peace at last.

               Mom put so much time and energy into helping others. First and foremost was her family, but this selflessness extended to everyone.  She was the first in our family to obtain a Master's degree -- in social work, of course. She threw herself completely into her work with troubled families and at-risk kids.

               In the years to come, many of us implored her to turn that loving, caring energy toward herself, but it was something she was unable to do.  Perhaps one of her biggest flaws, if it can be called that, was that she was too selfless.

               Throughout my life, Mom's unconditional love and concern for her kids was never in question, sometimes to our dismay, as she could be smothering at times.  She was involved in nearly every aspect of our lives in one way or another - an active member of PTA, an ever-present cheerleader at our many sports events, and she even made the long drive to Boston because I had a minor part in a college play.

               Though she and Dad never had a lot of money (they were both social workers), she spent all she had and more on Christmas gifts and birthday presents.  I recall how my brothers and I convinced our sister to continue the ruse that she believed in Santa, lest we stop getting such awesome presents. We should have known better, for long after the jig was up, Mom made sure that Christmas never lost its magic. Even when we were "adults", Mom made sure there were a few cool toys that we could play with.   

               She would rarely engage in the shenanigans and tomfoolery that were ever-present when we all got together, but there was always a gleam in her eye and a smile on her face while she rebuked us for such high jinks.   On the rare occasions when we could coax her to join in, it was pretty clear why she resisted, as she possessed neither coordination or grace in abundance, but that just made it all the more entertaining and endearing.

               Mom was a real trooper as well. She would embark on any adventure, so long as it led to time with her family.  From gypsy caravans to Florida, to the Canadian Rockies, from Mexican beaches to Japan, Mom would do anything to be with her family.

               I miss Mom so very much, it hurts me deeply that I was unable to be there with her or for her these past several years, but it wasn't by  design.  But I'm so very thankful for all that Mom has given me, taught me, and done for me. She was a model for unconditional love, kindness, compassion, generosity, honesty and selflessness. I've tried to practice these as a teacher, as a father, and most of all as a human.

Prison Art

These are pictures of birthday presents that I had made for my kid is last year.  My son is a big fan of the Harry Potter books, so I had a likeness of him contract is in a Harry potter quidditch scenario. 

My daughter is an avid scuba diver.

 

 

I sent my other son a likeness of himself playing bongos; I don't have a photo of it, nor do I know if he received it.

It's hard to make birthdays and other holiday special for your kids when you are in prison, but fortunately there are many talented and unique artists here who can help make this so.  The whole process is rather unique and different from going to a Wal-Mart for a gift.

Artists in prison are pretty inventive and creative.  There are, of course, talented sketchers and painters who do some amazing work.  I've seen some incredible origami and other similar art using cut strips of paper.  The most amazing, to me, are the sculptors - the MacGyvers of the prison art world.

These figures are sculpted out of bread.  That's right - the stuff you make sandwiches with.  The artist uses a secret process, combining the bread with glue, bagels, and other secret ingredients to make a workable, pliable, clay-like substance.  For reasons somewhat unclear to me, actual clay is contraband.  We are allowed paints, which is what is used to cover the figures, and then they are covered with a "homemade" shellac type substance, and are dried out for several days.

These gifts were not cheap, from a prison perspective.  I had to pay approximately one bag of rice, one bag of beans, three ramen soups, two granola bars, and a coffee for each of the images.  That translates to $10.00 in "outside" currency.  Bear in mind that I earn 40¢ per hour at work.

Shipping them is a whole other process.  I used a Pop-Tart box stuffed with newspaper and toilet paper wrapper.  That was covered with used Manila envelopes.  A process to be sure, but I've got the time and my kids are worth it.

The Greatest Symphony

My kids were with my siblings this past week, as their mom was off hiking someplace, so I took advantage of an opportunity to call them.  I was unable to get through to my sister, so I tried my brother.  He answered the phone and there was a cacophony of background noise.  He whispered into his phone "I can't really talk, but listen to this.  It's your son!"

I then heard the music, it was his elementary school band.  The sound reproduction was not of the highest caliber, but I could clearly hear the tune.  It was reminiscent of some John Phillips Sousa Marches.  I had a flashback to days of my youth, riding the carousel at one of the parks in my hometown.  They played three pieces that I heard, and the concert was finished.  My brother agreed with my assertion of the carousel music, the last piece most certainly was played on the merry go round, we decided.

The music sounded like it was coming through a tin can, and I suppose it was.  But to me, it was the most glorious symphony I have ever heard!

My son made his way to the phone before my 15 minutes were up.  I told him how awesome they sounded, and he wholeheartedly agreed. 

"I wish you could have been here, Dad," he said, with sincere conviction in his voice.  "Me too, son" I replied as the phone cut us off.

I've missed so many things with my kids because of my incarceration, and it hurts far beyond words.  But for a few minutes, on a random Tuesday evening, I was there, and the world was right if only for a moment.